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Volume 1, Issue 2 - Turn 350

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Volume 1, Issue 2 - Turn 350

Post  Admin on Tue May 17, 2011 1:10 am

Hello and welcome to the Turn 350 Edition of the Gazette!

The first Edition of the Gazette, with an approximate circulation of 124 (give or take several secret alternate accounts -- we know you're still out there!) was a huge hit around the Arena and we're back now bringing you all the Arena news that's fit to print.

Last turn we started off with a brief overview of the state of the 100 win population in our beloved Veteran's Blade. In the next edition of the Gazette we hope to bring you the first in a series of features on these elite warriors. For now, let's start with a look at the two warriors closest to joining this select club.

With a loss to Palor's Elf Moss on Sleazee P. Martinee's challenge, Negative Evil fails to break through with 100 wins. We caught up with Palor as he left the arena after the fight who confirmed the feeling in the arena, saying "Moss easily defeated [Negative Evil], wasn't much of a fight".

Sleazee also seemed disappointed in his warrior's performance, saying after the match "[Negative Evil] looked pathetic in that fight!!! He didn't land a single heavy blow and was just plain and simply out classed!!!"

In the other relevant match of the day, Poeg's Human Saber drew within one win of 100 with a random match victory over Sleazee's Elf Rihn the Bladesinger.

Three other warriors sit at 92 wins, including M. Noirceur, who as noted in the last issue has been mysteriously missing from singles matches for the last three turns running now.

Scum, its mmm mmm good.

Managers and fans alike have been speculating for a couple weeks now that MJ is considering retiring for good. Since the ascension of Nefindil to Monsterhood and the failure of Koriel to do the same in Turn 348, MJ and his stable have been sadly missing from our weekly gladiatorial

Is this absence permanent? Does MJ feel he has nothing left to prove now?

First, a little history.

Just over a year ago Dux Mortalitas appeared on the scene in our fair city and seized control of the stable of warriors that once belonged to the much maligned Duke. His stated goal? To take one of the grand warriors that Duke had "birthed" and through defeating a Monster, establish them as the greatest warriors that Veteran's Blade had ever seen.

Weeks passed however and Dux's warriors continued to fight and develop. Word was, none were ready yet for the ultimate test. Someone else, however, WAS ready.

After losing Phon to Jason the Half-Troll in turn 306, MJ stunned the entire arena by dispatching Juan Thing with Ratyr in 307. And thus, for the first time in centuries, a new Monster was welcomed by The Blood Master.

In the intervening months, several other managers (including Dux) sent well-regarded warriors against The Monsters to no avail. Indeed, possibly the closest showing since Ratyr's victory was the attempted slaying of The Kurgan by Terminator's Halfling Diablo in Turn 342. Still, in over half a year no one else beat a Monster.

Come with us now back to turn 348.

MJ, without any warning, quietly sent two more warriors knocking on death's doors, and only one answered -- for poor Koriel. However, to the shock of Pit fans everywhere, lightly-regarded, 103-fight Nefindil fought his way to immortality by dispatching the same dreaded Kurgan who had nearly lost in 342. And thus was MJs legacy truly sealed. With these glorious achievements, it could be said that MJ had not only outDux'd Dux Mortalitas but out-foxed the entire arena.

So now we come to the open question: Is MJ done? Aside from filling the entire Monsters roster with his warriors (something MJ publicly expressed little interest in), is there anything more MJ can accomplish? We would be hard-pressed to think of anything more impressive than what he has already achieved.

That said, the Staff here at the Gazette (including The Gazetteer) would be deeply saddened to see MJ retire for good. Our hope (and we know this is shared by MJs opponents, compatriots and fans everywhere) is that, if he must leave us for a time, he will eventually consider some new goal to drive towards and return to the arena more dedicated than ever.

But if he is well and truly done, what a momentous career to have had.

MJ, we here at the Gazette salute you.

Congratulations to Chen Man Ching and her Half Orc Pop Rock for crossing the 100 fight plateau.

The only way this achievement could have been stronger is if Pop Rock had managed to win his fight. Still quite an accomplishment.

Pending results of the turn, we should see Sir Brandox's Halfling Niclitt Fastoun stumble over the 100 fight mark. Here's hoping for a win so we don't see this warrior hit such a milestone with his record under water.


Turn 350 saw a number of impressive BC fight offs by warriors at significant fight disadvantages, including several in the midlevel range.

Congratulations to the following managers and warriors who foiled BCs from warriors with more fights in turn 350 (fight disadvantage in parentheses):

Cliff Banana's Asadero (17)
Sanguine's Burn In Hell (14)
Panther's Whompus (11)
D-Man's Mark Warner (10)
Valcor Aurthor's Replacement (10)
Overlord's Solo Boy ( 8 )
Poeg's Zuisudra (7)
Lord Dragon's Joshua (2)
Frank the Tank's Apathy (1)

Congratulations also to the remaining warriors who fought off (apparently poorly-planned attempts at honor-farming) upward BCs in Turn 350.

Mygdar Le Gnome's Moffamides "Le Vil" (12 fight advantage)
The Spoiler's Hurricane (10 fight advantage)
Boot Strap Billy's Stugart (6 fight advantage - KILL!)
The Spoiler's Leg-Biter (5 fight advantage)
Yopi's Bighead (5 fight advantage)
Folkari's Smasher (5 fight advantage)
Aconite's Topaz Fluff (2 fight advantage)
Chaosadow's Fright Knight (2 fight advantage)
Drakus' Belial (2 fight advantage)
Egor's vexed (2 fight advantage)
Ragnarok's Fang Skin (1 fight advantage)
Commandant Eitch's Prancing Pony (1 fight advantage - KILL!)

BC Fight off of the week goes to Cliff Banana's Asadero, who managed to fight off a much more experienced, though suboptimal warrior in The Warlord's Gear Head. Honorable Mention to Sanguine in fighting off another mediocre-to-bad Warlord warrior, in Silver Leaf.

Wag of the finger (and triply so) to The Warlord, who we praised last week for a wonderful BC fight off. Well, this week not only did he not have nothing to crow about, he dropped at least three misguided BC efforts with one resulting in death (Gear Head v. Asadero, Gore head v. Stugart, and Silver Leaf v. Burn in Hell).

Thingmaker crushed poor Kamikrazy again this week. We're guessing that Frank the Tank not only signed the insurance forms this week, he probably also took out a policy for the first 3 rows of spectators. Gruesome nuclear strike by Sanguine Savior. Anyone who kills Thingmaker one day is going to gain quite an Honor Bounty.

While they don't quite register in the same range on the Ricter Scale as the above BC, this week's Dishonor Leader board highlighted three other ugly BCs that are worth discussion.

The Shadow Master dropped his 65-fight warrior Jerlin on Chen Man Ching's 15-fight Horned Puffin, reaping 9 points of dishonor.

Sah dropped his 38-fight warrior Newyear Hangover on Gy'Gax's 10 fight warrior Elghe, reaping 8 points of dishonor.

Panther dropper her 41-fight warrior Goraxe on The Overlord's 13-fight warrior Shady Grove, reaping 8 points of dishonor.

Bounty Hunters...START YOUR ENGINES!

This turn saw not only six total warriors with at least 50 fights of experience perish, it also saw the demise of a notable 100 fight warrior.

We begin the catalog of deaths with a brief mention of two sub-.500 warriors whose careers were ended quite mercifully in Turn 350 (merciful, anyway, for the spectators in our beloved Arena, who no longer have to bear witness to their continued ineptitude): Arch-Angel's Human Lust (dead at 88 fights, and 37-51-0) and Ragnarok's Halfling Abdul Hodge (dead at 58 fights, and 23-32-1).

It was a bad turn to be an Elf between 50 and 100 fights in Veteran's Blade. Passing on to Valhalla with some renown but muted comment were Lord Dragon's The Sanjyian (90 fights, 60-30-3) and Tolome's Son of Stucker (66 fights, 42-23-2). Joining these two 50+ Elves in the Veteran's Blade morgue was AHO's Human "I Dont Need No Str" (, 63 fights, 35-28-0). Looks to The Gazetteer as if a little more Strength might not have been a bad idea after all.

The Pit Gazette again sends its condolences to the friends and family of the fallen warriors!

For a brief editorial on the death of Lord Dragon's The Sanjyian, we turn to Senior LoD Editorialist, Poeg.

We Kill Our Own
TYJLIE (350) (51-50-3) VS THE SANJYIAN (441) (60-30-3)

No one does a better job of killing LoD warriors as does a fellow LoD. The LoD motto "We kill our own." is no truer than as seen in Lord Dragon’s favored lady falling under the blade of Xenzar Devrie’s nondescript elf. Most on the sidelines would have made the wager against Tyjlie’s taking the win in this match-up so the death of The Sanjyian came as a genuine surprise.

It should be noted that when The Gazette sought an official LoD response to the kill after the fight, Poeg was quick to respond “We wonder if Xenzar even noticed…”.

With more solemnity, we turn to the passing of R.I.P, Bandit's only remaining warrior above 100 fights, slain this turn in a random match by Izzbot's 101 fight Human Seraphym. The Gazette attempted to reach Bandit after the match for comment on this strong, but departed warrior.

Unfortunately, at press time we had not received an answer to our queries. Our hope is to have a short blurb about R.I.P.'s life and death in the next issue of the Gazette.

The Gazette made note of five reaped Honor Bounties this turn, including the challenge and slaughter of Angel of Death's Kuielvish by Mygdar Le Gnome's The Candy Man. Good show, Mygdar.

We imagine this week you won't be mistaken for The Travelocity Gnome in your celebratory mood.

Dude Doomer and Mr. Binx reaped slightly smaller bounties in random match kills of Boot Strap Billy's One-Fin and Vixon's Lead Researcher (guess its time to promote the Assistant Lead Researcher) while Xenzar Devrie and his warrior Lac A Div reaped a decent bounty by killing challenger Coyote-Ugly (also of Boot Strap Billy's stable).

Finally, its worth noting that Izzbot's Seraphym reaped a small bounty in the aforementioned killing of R.I.P.

It escaped our notice at the time, but its obvious that BSB has been spending time honing his Sleazee P. Martinee impression in past turns (much as Panther did this turn). Unfortunately for Billy, now other managers are beginning to reap the rewards of his "effort".

While Cliff Banana and Sleazee maintain their current strangleholds on the Career Honor and Dishonor rankings, this turn saw a strong charge from Boot Strap Billy, mostly through a passel of honor-farming BCs. Dude Doomer and Mygdar Le Gnome, with significant honor bounties collected, rounded out 350's top 3 Honor Movers.

We here at the Pit Gazette salute Palor as our manager of the week with a 19-6-0 turn (with no team fights). Good show, dark one!

Honorable Mentions go to The Overlord for his 19-6-1 turn, including a team fight win over Stimpy, and to Drakus for another 19-6-0 turn himself. That's two straight strong showings for Drakus since the inception of the Gazette.

Two warriors celebrated their 101st fights this week by killing their opponents. Congrats to Seraphym (of Izzboticus' stable) and Tyjlie (of Xenzar Devrie's stable).

Just before press Ilneval posted the results of the 2nd Annual Bloodpit awards. We congratulate all the winners and thanks everyone who took some time to participate.

A source told the Gazette this week that Tolome is aiming for Cliff Banana's top spot on the Honor ranks. Good luck Tolome. Cliff's efforts in this area will be difficult to match, we think.

We hear from a reliable source that Palor is intending Moss to one day hold the All Time "Top Elf Killer" spot for this Pit. When approached for comment, Moss said "I face my foes without fear."

Several sources reported that a certain manager of famed killers has been conducting body-altering experiments on the newest members of his stable. Might explain how a warrior can get to 11 kills in under 50 fights.

Is there a connection between these experiments and the recent rash of disqualifications in the Arena for use of performance enhancing concoctions? Rumor is that a new substance, known as "Little Debbies" has recently made an appearance in town. Signs of use are said to include abnormal damage dealing, increased hat size and irrational fits of murder.

That's if for this week's edition of The Gazette! If you'd like to submit items for a future edition or provide feedback and clarifications, please pm them to me.

-The Gazetteer and The Staff at The Pitt Gazette


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