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Volume 1, Issue 17 - Turn 365

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Volume 1, Issue 17 - Turn 365

Post  lord_dragon on Fri Jun 03, 2011 4:43 pm

Welcome to the Turn 365 edition of the world famous Pit Gazette. It’s hard to believe that we have now been going strong for four months, but we couldn’t do it without the on-going contributions of the very people that also keep the sport itself going strong: the manager community. It’s your commentary and activities within the sport that drive our coverage. Thank you, pitizens. The Gazette staff would be nothing without you.

In that vein, we are proud to present our first ever Manager Interview, with noted Death In Effect member Ilneval. As always, we also present coverage of the Undefeated Warrior contests inexorable crawl to a close and the rest of the turn’s notable action.

And with that, we move on to the meat.

Greetings friends. Come. Sit. Have a puff from this marvelous hookah. By now you would not share the pipe with just anyone! No, only with your dear friend Raul Anjinarakar Siv. I meticulously record the events of the Alliances, as you well know. And as sure as the hot wind across the desert, the Undefeated Warrior contest plods along in the final rounds with a mere single loss among all the contestants.

It is with sadness that I report that Blood Elder, my personal favorite (in both the warrior and the hot wife areas) has lost. It is rumored that Master Palor was only pleased and surprised by the performance of his warrior. I for one am saddened to see to what depths managerial expectation have fallen too. A mere year ago, Blood Elder would have been monstered for his insolence, I am certain. That leaves but two warriors for the Lords of Darkness. My hopes now rest on Firebloom, an outstanding warrior who has fended off, for the moment, all challengers, and Sorah Magdar. I must say that I am rooting for Sorah, as it would be fitting for it (have you seen Sorah? I cannot tell the gender and I defy you to do so) to break the new fight warrior record of 22-0 and win the contest.

And what can I say about this GAPPDA business? Are none of you men? Or women for that matter? Are you but mewling little children? How is it that they remain, again, with two warriors in the competition? This is an alliance named after an obscure joke on the color and shape of another alliance not even in this game. They mock you. Please, eliminate Aerdra and Boing Boing. No excuses.

And then there is the Army of One. Rawg Brainsplatter, named not after his actions but his performance on math quizzes, remains in the contest. Though I intended on seeing the fight in person, a large woman with a beard barred the way as it was members only to see one of LoD’s finest, Occulto of The Demon, attempt to dethrone the unpronounceable Rawg. But fortunately, I have an excellent ear for voices. And screams. From the grimaces and splatter sounds, not to mention the loud cheers of a certain manager, it sounded to be a quick fight. I counted eight blows in all (no abacus required!) including four where a sound emitted like one might make rushing through puddles or wet sand. Another four sounded more like the open-mouthed chomping I so frequently hear at Dux’s Tavern. Based on some Half-Elf colored pieces of flesh hanging on the clothing of exiting spectators, I would place a wager that the crunching sound was from the heavy halberd blows of a certain Half-Orc. It is a dark day in which the Lords of Darkness’ finest are batted around like breakfast cereal. Perhaps next turn there will be no milk.
Surely all the members of his alliance are pleased with this warrior’s performance. The legions of managers that comprise STUD lift up Rawg as their very best. How truly proud he must be.

That of course leaves only the untouchables, those whose mere remaining presence is a vomitous affront to human (or half-human) dignity. I speak of course of the unaligned. We have two left: Poison of Sand-Bagging fame, who fended off a BC from Lord Palor with the alleged help of a drugging poison, and Sulfur, Silencer’s fresh-honed killing machine. It would bring shame to all managers if either of these two young warriors were to take the title, I am sure. Perhaps to make things easy they should both issue challenges this turn.

Well friends, I will need to find new subject matter soon, for the shortened duration of this contest has put poor Raul in the mood to eat a large meal of dates and pheasant at the local eating establishment and put my head down to rest. Salaam and Good Hunting.

We knew it was going to happen soon. With two warriors sitting on 99 wins, it was almost assured to happen in Turn 365…and pit fans weren’t disappointed. Coincidentally enough, Scotty Body was involved in both fights of record this turn, with Dux Mortalitas’ Elfkiller facing Body’s premiere Half Orc Suffering Overdue and Damion’s Geryon facing less distinguished Dwarf Scrotum. Given these match ups and going by sheer fight experience, one might have predicted a loss for Elfkiller and a win for Geryon. One would have been dead wrong, though, as Elfkiller took a win, making her the third active warrior in Dux Mortalitas’ stables to join the 100 Win Club, while Geryon and Damion will have to wait and see till next week.

Fortunately, other action in Turn 365 guaranteed that there will still be two warriors fighting for their 100th Wins in the coming turn as D-Man’s M. Noirceur secured his 99th win in a random fight against Hosehead’s Spoo.

Finally, The Gazette had begun preparations to track Terminator’s Pimp Daddy (at 97 wins after fighting off Palor’s challenger, Moss, this turn) against Sleazee P. Martinee’s Rihn the Bladesinger (in a similar boat at 96 wins after fighting off Dux Mortalitas’ Misery). However, some controversy has erupted after the turn, as indications are that Pimp Daddy may not be fighting in Singles come Turn 365. More information on this twist can be found elsewhere in our pages.

So, a hearty congratulations to Elfkiller and her manager. We also wish Geryon, D-man and their warriors many good tidings as they compete to be the second warrior in their wave to hit 100 Wins. Good luck, competitors.

The last of Ilneval’s impressive wave of veteran warriors has finally surmounted the 100 Fight plateau, and did so, true to character, with a challenge-win. DT Jesus liked what he saw, apparently, in Davron’s Lemur and went rodent hunting for the turn, taking win number 68 against his 32 losses. A very impressive 100 Fight tally, Ilneval. The Gazette salutes DT Jesus.

Immediately after this day’s fights Ilneval provided a few comments on DT Jesus’ personal accomplishment. Later in this issue, we are proud be able to bring our readers a wider overview of his recent stable accomplishments.

“This guy has been a total surprise to me. At one point of his career, he was 12-15 and looking down a dark tunnel at the Monsters entrance. A couple turns later an Undefeated Warrior contest started up and the lights came on for him. He had won the 2 fights prior to the start of UW to get to 14-15 and then proceeded to reel off 12 more consecutive wins (the first of 2 such streaks he’s had), before bowing out of the contest on a loss to one of Damion's guys, Faye Valentine III. DT always held a grudge over that loss, so it seems fitting that his latest kill was against one of Damion's warriors, Belial.

”DT has been very consistent over the past 55 turns, going 42-13. I look forward to seeing how he progresses from here.”

Citizens of Veteran’s Blade, its time to hide anything you own that is green or purple and not nailed down, as in Turn 366 our beloved Arena will see a disquieting first: GAPPDA Warriors in the 100+. That’s right, next turn not one but two warriors belonging to Poppa Balrog’s stable will enjoy their 100th fights, as teammates Erhley and Abbic fight for wins 47 and 46 respectively.

While neither of these warriors have records that are worth writing home about, the Gazette has it on good authority that GAPPDA managers and fans are planning to celebrate wildly throughout our city. Rumor has it that they are excited beyond belief that they are about to know so much more about our past time.

The Gazette wishes both Abbic and Erhley good luck in Turn 366. Hoping for two wins, however, is probably a bit much.

As is more or less customary in the Veteran’s Blade arena, Turn 365 saw one 100+ warrior check out of the Life Hotel permanently, with a smattering of other veterans joining him when all was said and done.

Turn 365 did however prove to be the first in memory in which not one veteran warrior was killed in a challenge match. That’s right, friends, the seven departed warriors all made the mistake of catching the wrong random warrior at the wrong time. That’s gotta leave a mark, pit fans.

First up, of course, would be Stalker’s Rommell, the lone 100+ warrior to die in action this turn. Hosehead’s much younger Half-Orc Fracker did the deed on poor Rommell, which has to leave Stalker in a melancholy mood. Still, Stalker still retains two major 100+ warriors in Popper and Deadly Wench, so the Gazette will wave off the violin players for now.

Stalker spoke with Gazette reporters after the fight, providing his personal perspective on the fight. “I was surprised that Rommell was killed in the fight against Fracker. Granted Fracker landed some big hits on Rommell but there were no permanent injuries dished out in the fight and he had never been injured in the area that endured his opponent’s final hit. Unfortunately, Fracker dominated the initiative and basically pulped Rommell, I guess that there's a good reason Fracker is 56-29-6.”

Rommell ceases all major life functions having accumulated 57 wins and 3 kills in a somewhat pedestrian 108 fights. Head high Stalker! A winning record above 100 fights will always be something to be proud of.

Moving down the list of the departed, we find Hosehead on the receiving end of a blistering, minute 1 slaughter, with Angel of Death’s younger Elf Victr dispatching Lemme Getcher before many fans had even settled into their seats. Making matters worse for Hosehead, his BC options appear to be somewhat limited, though we imagine Correctify could take a shot.

Lemme Getcher compiled a middle-of-the-road 45 wins and one kill in 85 fights.

Like Hosehead, Legion of Darkness manager Solincar Nelflan was on both the receiving end and the giving end of a veteran death this turn. Solid killer Dwarf Death Blow was on the wrong end of his name sake this turn in facing Eca Za’s oldest warrior Plague in a crowd-pleasing 4-minute marathon. .

Death Blow leaves his fans bereaved, having laid low 46 opponents (4 permanently) in 67 fights.

Young manager Drakus makes his second recent appearance in this section with the loss of his impressive, streaky Epee human Spiceyhot to Damion’s Boo Boo. 14 fights proved too much for the younger warrior to overcome this day, leaving Drakus down a warrior.

Drakus took a moment to reflect on Spiceyhot after the match, commenting, “She was surprisingly good for a first generation warrior and I learned a lot from her. I have a couple of other warriors based on her archetype who I think can eventually outperform her.”

Time will tell, of course.

Spiceyhot had put together a very impressive 45 wins with one kill in 64 fights before expiring this turn.

Caesar Invictus seems to make this section almost every week these days, and usually on the side that walks out of the Arena under their own power. That truism proved valid once again in Turn 365, as Pit Fiend (certainly a warrior who seems capable of building a lasting kill legacy going forward, given some luck and life) added a 6th notch to his belt while depriving Master Misfit’s stable of his oldest living warrior, Festering Lilac.

Caesar provided a short wrap up on the fight while walking from the arena, noting, “The fight featured quite a few devastating hits on both sides, but in the end Pit Fiend proved his dominance. The final blow landed with bone breaking force to poor Lilac’s inexplicably unprotected head.”

Gazette analysts can agree with Caesar on one thing: giving your warrior headwear isn’t just a good idea. It oughta be a law.

Festering Lilac rotted away after managing just 35 wins and 2 kills against 46 losses in his Veteran’s Blade career.

Thulzuk helped balance out Solincar Nelflan’s loss of Death Blow (noted above) by ridding the Arena of its resident pest control agent, Ratcatcher Ralph of Vic Vegas’ stable.

After some stomping around the grounds post-fight, Vic did stop to comment to one of our reporters, noting somewhat bitterly, “Congrats to Solincar Nelflan on taking a decidedly 1-sided, random match up. Unfortunately, I have no one to BC with. I learned quite a bit from Ralph, so at least he didn't die for nothing.”

Ratcatcher Ralph ends his career while serving as Vic Vegas’ second oldest warrior, having managed 36 wins and 2 kills in 66 fights.

In the final veteran kill of the day, Lord Dragon’s Lady Luck proved true to her name. Unfortunately for Hoffa, this is the 3rd straight turn in which he has been forced to mourn the loss of a true veteran warrior, with Gardner playing unlucky foil to The Dragon Lord’s Halfling in Turn 365.

Gardner passes beyond the veil just a hair above 50 fights, having managed 32 wins and a kill against 19 losses during his time in the pit.

The Gazette salutes all of the departed as well as those who escorted them out of the Arena on a non-refundable basis.

Greetings all! A fascinating round of Blood Challenges came our way in turn 365! It was again a steady volume of challenges making our list, with 45 total BC's for the turn, but we also saw a decent number of upsets, a large number of huge down challenges, and handful of managers with multiple BC decisions to make per turn. Leading off the last grouping, we have Boot Strap Billy, who was involved in 5 BC's on turn 365, while only issuing a single BC of his own. This is certainly the high water mark for single manager in one turn over the past dozen turns we have monitored here at BC Central. Elsewhere, Danny D Bloody pulled in a perfect 4-0-0 BC turn this round, setting the terms for each of those encounters and skillfully managing to victory, granted that a couple were at a rather significant fight advantage. Well, off to the rest of the results…

Veteran’s Blade saw 13 disadvantage BC defenses this turn. A few of these were at a significant disadvantage, but most were, as usual, a matter of a handful of fights. The most impressive defense on the list was that of Master Misfit's PENGUIN MALICE, who not only withstood a 32-fight advantage, but also made quick work of Palor's RHUBARB, putting him down in just two minutes. Tolome's MAXIMAL PAIN himself made a 2nd consecutive appearance on the list by successfully defending against the assault of Drakus' BYRON. Two straight times BYRON was put down in short, two-minute fights. Perhaps it is time to move on too easier prey. Congrats to all of the warriors (and managers) on the list!

Master Misfit's PENGUIN MALICE (32)
Terminator's TWISTED SISTER (23)
Masterpitter's TYPO (14)
Davron's ELRIC (13)
Gouged Eye Inc.'s VARIUS (11)
Sleazee P. Martinee's GREEN MACHINE (9)
Tolome's MAXIMAL PAIN (7)
Acheron's SIREN'S SONG (7)
Sanguine Savior's SCABBED WINGED ANGEL (7)
Ragnarok's MEAT PUPPET (4)
The Overlord's ORANGE RANGER (3)
Ill-Ox's POISON (3)
Boot Strap Billy's COW-DUNG (1)

For the first time in the past three turns, the list of the bad is not lead by a report on our least favorite sandbaggers. While I am certain that the only reason they did not appear was from lack of opportunity, we can only hope that the behavior won’t recur. Moving on to the existing bad in Turn 365, we have a number of managers who incurred multiple BC losses on turn 365. Perhaps the bad, for this turn, should really be re-named “The Sad”. Among the managers on the list for racking up three BC losses this round are Boot Strap Billy, Palor, Missus Biggus, and Silencer. Perhaps the toughest beat is that of Missus Biggus, as she lost three on her own challenges.

The list of the ugly is long, though it was outweighed by the list of the good for the turn. We anxiously awaited the results from the WHOOP DDAMN DOO vs. JAVA encounter, more to see if JAVA could make it out alive than for any other reason. Thankfully, JAVA lives on, having endured three turns of brutal treatment from Sanguine's WHOOP DDAMN DOO. Elsewhere, the turn brought us a plethora of uneven matches, but none more so than Danny D Bloody's TNT dropping, at terminal velocity from the heavens onto Arch–Angel's YAMAHA. We can only hope that this is a one and done affair. What had started as rumblings outside the arena through a brief war of words, might now be boiling over onto the sands. GAPPDA-member (and my alliance-mate) Poppa Balrog threw decency to the wind by brutally down challenging and killing Sanguine's ZIM ZUM. Those close to the situation and to the managers involved largely suspect that a visit from THINGMAKER is in the offing! The list of the ugly promises to be a bumpy ride for the next several turns.

Danny D Bloody's TNT (134, 1833)
Mongolian Knight's LADY JUDITH (120, 878)
Sanguine Savior's WHOOP DDAMN DOO (100, 2004)
Poppa Balrog's EDWARD NIGMAN (42, 1156)
Scotty Body's IOMMI (32, 847)
Shadow Master's GARVIN (31, 1012)
Angel of Death's GREENY (30, 613)
The Overlord's GABRIELLA (30, 1231)
Danny D Bloody's GIL HIBBEN (29, 885)

That’s it for the BC Round Up for another turn. We certainly have several things to watch for next turn. The Gazette Staff could be described as “giddy as schoolgirls” for Turn 365. Sword high!

No pit fan is unfamiliar with Ilneval. He’s a noted member of one of the deadlier alliances in the game (Death In Effect), a former member of the other (Legion of Darkness) and one of the oldest consistently active managers in Veteran’s Blade. He’s three kills away from 200 and one turn away from 6000 fights. Over the last eight turns he has shepherded 5 solid warriors (our Fab Five) across the 100 Fight Barrier (as some managers refer to it). We sat down to talk about these warriors and what they mean to Ilneval as a manager and what it all means for the game.

Gazetteer: So…Saraya, Eternal Darkness, Mantronic, DT Jesus and Beric Dondarrion. All in an 8 turn span. How did you manage that?

Ilneval: Well, I would love to say that it was due to my superior managing skills, but I think there was a lot of luck involved. I think at about the time of their recruitments, I had a bit of an epiphany when it came to design and training. I took a lot of what I had learned from earlier recruits and applied some lessons learned. I had some success in the past with each one of the races represented, so I just took the best of those and put it to use.

Gazetteer: Who was the biggest surprise in the group above and why?

Ilneval: DT Jesus was the biggest shock factor based on how he started, but I think the biggest surprise of the group was Beric. I went away from tradition with him as far as strategy and weapon selection. I wasn't sure how things would turn out, but I have been surprised. He's probably the weakest link of the recent crop as far as record is concerned, but to know what I had to work with and how he has turned out is the best thing.

Gazetteer: Who are you most proud of shepherding to 100 Fights and why?

Ilneval: Mantronic is the one I am most proud of. He hit the mark with a very good record. He has also been the one, just ahead of DT Jesus, that fought the stiffest competition along the way. Based on the fact that he has a very good record, he has always been matched against warriors with more experience than him, and more often than not, he has come out on top.

Gazetteer: Which of these five is going to still be around in another 100 fights and why?

Ilneval: Well, hopefully all of them will be around, but who knows for sure. If I had to venture a guess, I would say Mantronic and DT have the most realistic chance of seeing a 200th birthday, but a lot can happen along the way.

Gazetteer: Who is going to end up a legend?

Ilneval: You know, honestly I don't concern myself with whether any of them will be considered legends. Legends are what you make of them, and to me they are all legends in my stable. If the rest of the arena ever sees them as that, great, but if not, I know that I can look back at a good career for all of them. They have done things that only about 7% of the arena can do and that is last to 100 fights.

Gazetteer: Are any of them retirement candidates? Why?

Ilneval: Of all of them, Eternal Darkness is the most likely to retire simply because I think he has passed his prime. He has struggled against lesser opponents for quite a while now and frankly his growth and development has virtually stopped for some time now.

Gazetteer: Two Elves, a Half-Elf, a Dwarf and a Half-Orc. That's pretty nice variety. Was it planned?

Ilneval: I don't think it is anything you can plan for. You play the cards you are dealt, and hope for the best. I think for me though, I like to try to balance my stables out, with the exception of the Orcland Raiders, for obvious reasons. When you do something like that, you are bound to get lucky sometimes and that leads to variety.

Gazetteer: You only have one Halfling on your entire roster. Why?

Ilneval: I really haven't had much use for Halflings. They have their advantages, but I hadn't come across a design that I thought didn't have serious flaws. The one Halfling that I do have is the best design I have had for one, and frankly I haven't had the recruits that fit the bill in the past.

Gazetteer: It's interesting that you only have two Half-Elves and two Humans too. Any reason?

Ilneval: Again, I look for certain things in recruits. If I don't get what I want, I certainly don't settle for something just for the sake of having X amounts of Humans, or a Y amount of Half-Elves, and so on. If they have the design, I take them. If they are a better something else, then that's what I do.

Gazetteer: Before this wave you only had one warrior with more than 100+ fights experience. How did that happen? [Editor’s Note: We apologize to Ilneval for the poor phrasing of the question].

Ilneval: Well, that's not entirely true. Yes, I only had one active 100+ warrior, but I have had Mance Rayder, Outcast and Binabik prior to that, and 2 of those earned retirement, and the other was permanently retired for me. Typically I have a bad habit of getting warriors to around 90-99 fights and bad things happen. I have had several 90-99 fight warriors die in the past, but this group was fortunate.

Gazetteer: So tell us about your next wave.

Ilneval: There are a few coming up the ranks that look to have a lot of promise, so time will tell with them. I don't ever count on things before they happen, so we'll just have to wait and see.

Gazetteer: Many thanks to Ilneval for taking the time to sit down with us and chat about his Fab Five.

In a welcome change from recent turns, Manager of the Week is no judgment call, as Fusion managed to compile 3 more wins than any other manager in our arena this week and piled on two kills for good measure. In anticipation of this accolade after putting together such an impressive week, Fusion was kind enough to spare some comments for our reporters.

“My guys really came through for me this week! Though I'll admit the result is a bit tainted by the mismatched BC of Tuber dropping for the third time on Wicker Corpse. After a down challenge kill of my UW contestant Trout, that was the least I could do and keep my fighters’ loyalty, though.” Fusion laughed. “Literally the least, as Tuber didn't even hand him a permanent injury over the three fights. For all that he's been one of my hardest hitters, he has all the killer instinct of a baby gazelle. A good day all in all; though! A very good day! “

The Gazette agrees. Congratulations Fusion!

The decision on a Runner Up for the week, however, is a much more difficult call, as five managers came in at 18 wins in Turn 365. Arbitrarily eliminating the two that did not manage a kill on the turn (sorry Poeg and Pugilist Trainer, if that is indeed your real name) still leaves us with Poppa Balrog, Tars Tarkas and everyone’s second favorite Gnome (after the Traveocity variety), Mygdar. As Poppa Balrog’s kill was of the downwards BC variety, The Gazette staff chose to focus on Mygdar and Tars Tarkas for the weekly Runner Up award (and we recommend everyone say a small prayer for Edward Nigma, who is about to see Thingmaker for 3 turns give or take a kill).

Moving back to our friendly Gnome and Tars Tarkas, we have to give the Runner Up edge to Mygdar for notching one honorable challenge as well as being the first manager under the new honor system to reap a bounty in killing Vic Vegas’ dishonorable Boy Named Sue.

Congratulations, therefore, to Fusion and Mygdar Le Gnome for taking home the small, plastic trophies this week.

Vic Vegas had a rough turn, losing Ratcatcher Ralph on the unfortunate random and two other young solid warriors to No Bozo Squad challenges. We imagine next turn would have involved a return of Angry Vic, if Angry Vic had ever gone away (11 dishonor points accumulated in Turn 365, leading the rolls).

Speaking of Vic Vegas and dishonor, his Boy Named Sue became the first bounty collected under the new Honor system.

Cliff Banana continued occupying his seat atop the Honor rolls for the turn, bringing in six points of dishonor in 7 qualifying challenges and wins (including one point of – shock – dishonor for a sub-.500 challenge).

“When I say that Lady Luck is lucky I’m not joking. I tell you, that girl can make a fortune while sleeping. Look at this example, she hasn’t made 50 fights yet, but already she is getting a mention in the Gazette for knocking off a veteran warrior. And the kill? Well the referee was so impressed with Lady Luck's fighting style (given the fact that she is such a small girl) that he didn’t even realize that Gardner was dying. Such things can only take place in a fight with the Luckiest Warrior Alive.” – Lord Dragon, holding forth amidst food, drink and his fellow Legion of Darkness managers after the turn’s action.

“Oh well, I got 108 fights and a few more ideas on how to manage a good long term Human, the Desert Fox will rise again!” - Stalker, discussing Rommell’s death after the turn.

Defying expectations and understanding, Terminator has apparently submitted Monster-fight paperwork for his four top warriors (while sitting two other teams). Archie (74-50-4), Pimp Daddy (97-32-4), Miller Time (75-48-1) and Popcorn (44-14-1) have all fought their last human and demi-human opponents if these plans go forward into Turn 366. Is this Terminator’s swan song in our beloved city? Tune in after the coming turn, when the reasons for this enigmatic decision should be much clearer.

From fliers posted around the city this week: “In recent days our brave city is plagued by a new menace. No, don't laugh! It's not the coming of the laughable GOD OF WAR. It's more insidious and treacherous! Our youth are endangered by drugs! Yes, drugs are flowing through the entire city, menacing gladiators and fans alike. We no longer hear the town criers heaving smack-talk back and forth across the crowded streets at noon for our city’s beloved managers. No, now rough hewn creatures mumble absurdly of potions with odd name. They are coming from hell to poison us! We suspect this rubbish is being propagated by the nefarious Vic(ious) Vegas! Indeed, one of his team’s, "The Conditions" is widely known to be on many types of medication. Moreover by a mysterious coincidence, he seems to operate with Ted Supreme's "Hospital in Fury" team, and particularly the underestimated Dr Haldol Trinh Khac, a sinister character, known in a far-away foreign country to have administered huge amounts of sickening herbs to old and infirm people. We urge the Mighty Nemesis to cure the Pitt and let lose his enforcers upon the streets! To save our citizens , our wives, our kids, our dogs -- even our Halflings -- before it's too late! May the Nemesis be with us! – Ted Supreme”

The Warlord is rumored to remain waylaid by technical difficulties far from the city. The Gazette staff is hoping for a swift return once the issues are fixed.

That's if for this week's edition of The Gazette! If you'd like to submit items for a future edition or provide feedback and clarifications, please pm them to my account on

-The Staff at The Pitt Gazette

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