Volume 1, Issue 19 - Turn 367

Welcome to the Turn 367 edition of the Pit Gazette. While not as controversy packed as the previous turn, in which Poppa Balrog became the polarizing figure of our time, Turn 367 was home to more carnage than our Arena has seen in many months, if ever.

This turn, the Gazette is proud to present an investigative piece on the recent deaths of two members of Ilneval’s Fab Five. Alongside this special treat, we do of course bring you all of our normal features, including yet another Undefeated Warrior and Alliance Roundup courtesy of Raul, the Padishah’s most nervous envoy.

And now, on with the show.


FEATURED ARTICLE – FAB FIVE CONSPIRACY?
With the loss of 2/5s of Ilneval’s Fab Five in successive turns since the publication of the Gazette’s interview with the storied Death In Effect manager, it’s no surprise that rumors are swirling about the deaths.

Arena Officials have remained mum, but our reporters hear that several renowned Seers were hired on retainer by the Competition Committee in suspicion of foul play in their deaths on the sands (though no official was willing to go on record as to where these suspicions initially arose).

As the investigation began, our reporters initially uncovered evidence around the offices of the Arena’s administrative arm indicating that a particular Seer, known only as von Albino, had discovered something extremely unsettling about the deaths. As this information began to simmer around the Arena complex, a gag order was issued directly from The Keeper’s offices to all Arena staff and several managers’ stables, on penalty of expulsion from the Blood Pit system.

Our publication, which refuses to recognize the validity of such an edict, has been able to piece together two possibilities from the initial flurry of rumors.

First, we do know thanks to several independent sources that some kind of contaminant was detected within the bodies of both deceased warriors. Second, all sources agree that von Albino decreed that whatever the contaminant is, it was directly responsible for the deaths of both warriors. Is the Fab Five being murdered by poison? Though this would be a logical conclusion, a gag order seems a bit extreme under the circumstances. Besides which, it is unlikely that assassins could get close enough to any manager or warrior after recent increases in security due to the recent revelations around the mysterious deaths of several Undefeated Warrior participants early in the contest. Instead, our reporters harbor a darker suspicion.

The Gazette believes that both of the deceased were habitual users of the performance enhancing potions known as Little Debbies. Our publication further believes that von Albino learned this in his probe and the gag order was a direct result of these damaging revelations. The Competition Committee, In order to avoid sullying the names of these two warriors (who both likely expired due to overuse or abuse of the potions) and harming the reputation of their renowned manager, certified their deaths as the “Result of ordinary Arena trauma” and closed the investigation.

The Gazette will not be hindered by the Competition Committee’s pressures or draconian measures. Our reporters hereby vow to get to the truth.

After all, if even Ilneval is doping his warriors, what is left to root for in our sport?


FEATURED ARTICLE – UNDEFEATED WARRIOR ALLIANCE ANALYSIS
Greetings friends. Once again it is I, master of mistresses, Raul Anjinarikar Siv, bringing you news of the powerful, leviathan-like entities that are the alliances of Veteran’s Blade Arena. It is of the Undefeated Warrior contest that I still speak. The pickings are slim, yes? Three are left now, and at the rate of one per turn, it will be over in two. For those without the aid of an abacus, I can tell you that it will end on a cold Saturday morning two weeks hence. This is assured.

Let us start with the sole eliminee of the turn. Firebloom finally fell, much to my surprise. I expected this warrior to win the trophy and the accompanying women. But alas, a warrior named after the clucking sound of your common dinner foul came down from on high and smote Firebloom. A GAPPDA warrior, no less (why am I not surprised?). Lord Kelvin commented that his warrior had exceeded all expectations, he was proud and surprised that a warrior such as Firebloom would go so far. What, do you all have a book club you attend together? This is what you all have been saying. Take Raul’s advice…with this attitude, why would your warriors try? Instead they sip iced tea and await a foot massage from their lesser stable mates. Second place is the first loser, as your ancient saying goes, and fourth place is, well, still a loser but the math is complicated. Fortunately for you Lord Kelvin, the wrath of the Padishah will surely fall upon Sorah Magdar if your alliance fails and I am locked away in shackles.

And speaking of which, Sorah Magdar rises as one of the pit’s finest warriors and, for this era, the Lord of Darkness’ top ranking lieutenant. Lord Dragon fancied to write this humble reporter a letter about Sorah Magdar. Well, it was more an iron tablet etched with the razor claw of a titan-beast, but you have the idea. Apparently, Sorah came to Lord Dragon as a whelp, and not very impressive to him. As time went on he went from lucky to good, good to great, and now all of Lord Dragon’s warriors bow before Sorah Magdar. I must say I am impressed. So, if I may address you, Sorah. You are probably feeling good and confident in your prowess. Not to put pressure on you, but, I know a few things of dragons. Failing now may show weakness to them, and I hear your kind has a taste for their own flesh. Now I’m not saying they are cannibals. But you get the idea. Go the distance son, for us both.

And of course there is also the shameful Aedra the Punisher from GAPPDA of Xavier’s stable. Fending off an ever so deadly challenge from Ironman’s The Forth Leage. This masculine warrior has managed 20 more losses than wins up to this point, but thought it was a good idea to match wits against GAPPDA’s finest warrior. I had a retelling of the match from my cousin, apparently it was like watching a goat make love to a tackle dummy. It was over quick, and it did not move. A note to all of you out there who would think on challenging Aedra. This warrior has gone from a paltry 6-6 to fourteen straight wins. Next time I would suggest someone with more wins, or even perhaps not challenging at all? It will be better for all of us.

And of course there is the lone warrior belonging to the lone manager of STUD. The natives you drove from their land to build this arena have a name for him, this Rawg. It is ‘He who takes and throws away what others do not use’. It is a silly name, it makes no sense. But a great warrior he is. A bard in a tavern was speaking of his fight in turn 366, so impressed was he. But he was not a good bard, he could not rhyme “perm” into his song, and, failing that, one cannot sing about Rawg for this is what he does. But even Rawg has a weakness, and the Purple and Green fielded a tenacious Halfling. That’s right, the Number Three Halfling in all of our arena system (oh, this is not impressive to you?) came down from on high and not only gave Rawg the longest fight of his recent memory (well, his entire memory, the last name is not about what he does to his foes), but brought him to sweet desperation. I must say, I am hopeful that Raul will not have to invest in thick sun cream and aloe this season.

Well, there is nothing else UW-related to speak on. With only three warriors left, I look forward to my real job, that of spreading rumor and innuendo about the alliances. That and starting tavern brawls. But, until I can reclaim this old profession, Salaam and Good Hunting.


100 WIN CLUB WATCH
While there had some partying after Elfkiller’s ascension to 100 Wins, a general feeling of “been there, done that” among Dux Mortalitas’ fan base had prevented it from spreading city-wide. With M.Noirceur’s win last week, the celebration burned white hot for several days, resulting in some burned horse carriages in the poorer parts of the city, and many, many rough hangovers in the early part of the week. Geryon’s likely move into the 100 Win Club this turn brought many, many fans to the arena this week in anticipation of another extraordinary, lost weekend of debauchery.

And then it was announced that Damion had not submitted his turn orders to the Competition Committee, leaving fans dejected, disappointed like children who were given coal in their stockings, and a little angry. After the day’s combat was over, several carriages were burned in certain quarters of the city (we hear that Damion’s personal carriage was overturned and set aflame), but not with the usual love and frolicking we saw in such acts last week.

Still, fans that have been following the myriad 100 Win Club contestants were certainly treated to intrigue and carnage in the turn. The sudden popularity of Caesar Invictus’ Guardian after events in the city this week (see Notable Deaths section) meant that a banner crowd was on-hand to view the budding legend’s final fight. While Popper’s kill of the venerable Dwarf removed a warrior from immediate contention for 100 Wins, Popper climbed right into the vacated spot, accruing his 96th win in the process of popping Guardian. Remaining tied with Popper at 96 wins was Scotty Body’s Suffering Overdue, who, perhaps drunk and over-confident at the thought of getting to face a member of the Peasant Scum rather than a more dangerous warrior, lost to Klud the Bell-Ringer in a 3-minute match.

Making a bid to move closer and potentially tie things up with Geryon next turn, thanks to Damion’s inactivity in 367, was Sleazee P. Martinee and his Elf Rihn the Bladesinger, who fought off current 100 Win Club member Saber, on Poeg’s challenge, to gather his 98th win.

With only Poeg’s Asiago sitting close to the pack with more than 90 wins (95 as of 367), it seems that we will be in for a decent wait for the next wave of 100 Win warriors once all five of the current contestants have grabbed the glittering prize or perished in the attempt. Until then, though, we will continue to cover the races to 100 Wins here in the Pit Gazette each turn.

Until 368, we bid you adieu.


THIS TURN’S 100 FIGHT BIRTHDAYS
Two warriors celebrated their 100th turns on the sands in 367, one in a team fight against The Peasant Scum and the other in singles. While the Gazette was pulling for a win for both warriors, only The Real Kissie Poo managed to bring one home, combining with teammates Revenge of Fluffy and Sweetness to defeat a Poet, a Beggar and a Strumpet for his 65th win. Validian’s 100 Fight combatant, Firebat, stumbled against a much younger warrior managed by Marius, Atrios, losing after something of a marathon 4 minute match. Sadly, this loss leaves Firebat with an even 60 defeats in his first 100 fights. Here’s hoping for a nice turnaround up high for Firebat.


NEXT TURN'S 100 FIGHT BIRTHDAYS
Turn 368 brings the managers and fans of our fair arena only one warrior to root for, Valcor Aurthor’s deadly Half-Orc Wreckless. Like The Real Kissie Poo, Wreckless is vying for his 65th win on his 100th Fight Day. The Gazette wishes him much good luck in the Endeavour.


NOTABLE DEATHS
If you cannot remember a day like this, in which four warriors with more than 100 fights experience fell never to fight again, you are not alone. Including Guardian, Pitt, Beric Dondarrion and Whoop DDamn Doo, 15 warriors of note were extinguished during the crazed combat of Turn 367. The tally: two warriors with 90 or more wins, five more with 50 or more wins (including Whoop DDamn Doo, who brought a distinctive 71) and eight additional warriors who had spent a year or more plying their vicious trade on the sands of the Veteran’s Blade’s arena complex.

We begin our wrap up coverage of the ex-gladiators by focusing on Caesar Invictus’ Guardian, the center of some attention around the city last week when a few stat-heads among the fan base made it known that Guardian had recently won 47 of his last 50 fights. Unfortunately for Guardian, fight 51 was against Stalker’s killer Halfling Popper, who has been making a point to live up to his name in recent days, popping open old injuries among the super-veterans of the arena. As with many warriors who reach a certain age in Veteran’s Blade, there is always the chance of a freak injury recurring in such a way as to threaten or end the life of said warrior, and Guardian, amazing win streak aside, was no different. Popper expertly sought out the vulnerability, or lucked into it, depending on whose camp you listen to, and Guardian was extinguished.

Stalker provided his view from the Manager’s Box in a press conference after the fight.

“The fight started with both warriors clearly feeling each other out, trading solid shots, Guardian then took the initiative and delivered successive but not staggering shots. After seeing how the early phases of the fight were playing out, Popper realized that things were not looking up for him if the fight went much longer, so he took a risk and made a quick charge into the Half-Plate/Tower shield-wielding wall of moving iron, formerly know as Guardian. On Popper's final charge, he unerringly guided his Javelin directly into a seam in Guardian’s defenses, delivering a life ending blow which basically cut Guardian in two and ended his illustrious career.”

Caesar also took time to share his thoughts at the press conference, noting, “It was only a matter of time, before Guardian fought his last fight, one way or another. He had been nursing 2 terrible injuries for as long as I can remember. I guess his luck could not last forever. Popper, who could not be better named, should be commended for the excellent job he did scoring the decisive blow. Guardian will be missed, but I certainly did learn a lot from him, and he was a joy to manage.”

Guardian leaves his fans and manager bereaved having compiled 96 wins and 5 kills in 131 fights. Guardian was truly an astounding warrior and will be missed.

Oft-spoken of Half-Orc Pitt, record-holder and budding legend, was the other true standout to pass this turn, doing so at the hands of The Demon’s long-lived Valandra. With 90 wins already in only 113 turns, it’s likely that Pitt would have threatened many Veteran’s Blade records before all was said and done, but now that is not to be. Stripped of his weapons late in the fight, Pitt was overcome by resurgent Valandra and was killed.

Dux Mortalitas took to the announcer’s podium shortly after the fight to address the crowd with a short statement, saying, “"First of all I’d like to express my appreciation to The Gazetteer and all the fans for taking interest in Pitt’s career and the pinnacle of his life, which was his death. That is the culture of my stable: live a violent life; die a violent death. Pitt certainly lived up to that motto.”

Pitt leaves his fans lost and bewildered, having accrued 90 wins and 8 kills before passing.

Guardian was not the only stand-out Dwarf to be deprived of further life in Turn 367 by a well placed blow that tore wide an old wound. No, Sanguine Savior’s excellent Whoop DDamn Doo suffered the same fate at the hands of Jim the Half-Ogre’s Flounder 2, who was only recently released into the wilds of Singles fights after to the loss of two teammates over the last few turns.

Jim the Half-Ogre spoke briefly on the Flounder 2’s career leading up to this turn’s kill, noting to a Gazette reporter, “[This turn] was his first singles fight in forever, maybe ever. Given the death of Rounder Part Deux and a lack of suitable partners, he will live out the remainder of his career in singles, I suppose. Over his 88 fights, he's probably killed or helped kill a dozen or more peasants and normal fighters that he wasn't credited for.”

Sounds like a warrior worth avoiding.

Whoop DDamn Doo leaves behind an impressive 71 wins and 5 kills in 110 fights.

The Demon not only deprived Dux Mortalitas of a super-veteran warrior this turn, he also killed the second of Ilneval’s Fab Five to die since the Pit Gazette covered their ascendance in issue 17, Beric Dondarrion (following Saraya into the afterlife). That makes, therefore, an astounding two 100+ warrior kills on the turn for The Demon and an equally demoralizing two 100+ warriors dead in two turns for Ilneval.

Ilneval was initially reluctant to speak to Gazette reporters, on account of the alleged “cover curse” that his recent deaths seem to confirm exists. However, after some calming words from our Founder and Editor in Chief, The Gazetteer, Ilneval did finally grant the following comments.

Well, it was definitely a shock to see what transpired on the sands. I saw a completely different Beric on this day, and I was actually liking what I was seeing…until that final blow. He was finally starting to get it. Well, now he can spar with his long lost buddies for eternity. Beric probably earned retirement, but he was the one that actually told me “no” to that course. Alas, farewell Beric.”

Beric Dondarrion leaves his manager both bereaved and proud, having compiled one win short of 60 with 3 kills in 105 fights.

Dux Mortalitas was involved in two other veteran kills this turn, but on the positive side of the ledger in both cases. In the first, Half-Orc Murderer matched against and killed Jim the Half-Ogre’s slow Human, Jupiter 2 in a crowd-pleasing 3 minute fight that matched extremes of speed and deftness against each other, with slow and steady losing the ultimate race.

Dux Mortalitas, who has been close to the Half-Ogre for some time, provided some perspective on the lost warrior after the fight, telling a Gazette reporter, “Jupiter 2 was a very interesting warrior. Obviously he started out with a huge disability, a nervous disorder of some sort that made him so clumsy that he barely qualified to enter the Arena. But in spite of it all and against the odds, he fought himself to a handsome 53-37-3 record. Very impressive! Jim The Half-Ogre has proven himself in my eyes.”

Jim the Half-Ogre was more subdued in his praise for his departed warrior, allowing, “Jupiter 2 has been in a downward spiral over the past 10 or 12 fights, losing the majority of them. I had been experimenting with various armor and weapon combos and strategy changes. I think these most directly lead to his demise. He was an accomplished counter striker but he used a different strategy entirely this turn and he wasn't very good at it, obviously. He was an excellent trainer with 7 accredited Master ratings according to the Competition Committee. However, his replacement, Jupiter Remembered, looks to be a better overall prospect for what I was trying to accomplish with him.”

Dux’s second kill of the turn was a match-up between 4-Kill Half-Orcs, Mortalitas and One Eye. Despite controlling the action into the second minute of the fight, One Eye surrendered his life to a heavy blow that found its mark and caused his chest cavity to explode in a mass of gore, leaving Mortalitas with a 5th kill and Acheron to foot a considerable clean-up bill.

Acheron was livid with the Chirurgeon’s Guild upon spying the results of their amateur handiwork on One Eye’s erupted corpse. “I’ll tell you, I am a little bit sick of seeing my Half-Orcs opened up like a dissected frog in a classroom experiment after fights. Look at that mess. Actual bubble gum and baling wire. Those idiots in the Guild don’t even realize it’s a metaphor. They put his wound back together with a damned metaphor.”

Dux Mortalitas was again salutary in his analysis of the departed warrior, noting, “One Eye put up an excellent fight against Mortalitas. Acheron instructed him well, and he took clear control of the fight early one. He had Mortalitas into desperation and was just about to finish the fight, when Mortalitas leapt out of One Eye's visual range for just a moment...just long enough for Morty to fully impale his chest and send One Eye into the afterlife. Having only one eye can be quite a liability when playing with live weapons.”

Indeed.

One Eye leaves Acheron considering a lawsuit against the Chirurgeon’s Guild having managed 53 wins and 4 kills (including that of legendary Burning Butterfly) in 83 fights.

Hoffa and Davron’s budding rivalry took a somewhat predictable turn in 367, as Elric, who slaughtered Franklin and Winyah in succession in turns 363 and 364, completed the trifecta with a kill over Hoffa’s challenger, White Bluff, this turn. Elric, who was 5 fights under .500 on turn 350 has certainly had quite a turn around, partially at the expense of Hoffa, and now stands at 6 fights over. The kill itself amused fans to no end, as White Bluff fumbled over himself to avoid the killing blow and yet was swept into the afterlife despite the effort.

Davron was exultant after the fight, noting to reporters, "At 5 kills, Elric is really shaping up to be one of my all time killers. He seems to be particularly adept in poking holes in those walking meat sacs we call Half-Orcs. Hmm, I wonder who Hoffa has left.”.

Good question.

White Bluff finishes up a fine career with 50 wins and 4 kills in 87 fights. The losses of Whit Bluff and his brothers leaves Hoffa with only two warriors above 50 fights.

White Bluff was far from the only strong Half-Orc to perish on the turn, as Black Foxx’s prized Replacment Killer was also extinguished by a Half-Elf, in this case Marius’ Rahxephon.

Replacment Killer perishes having accrued 45 wins and 6 kills in 77 fights.

Sadly for Black Foxx, Replacment Killer would not be the only veteran warrior that would die this turn. We chronicled in our last issue Caesar Invictus’ loss of Death Adder to Foxx’s Getrdun, and his suggestion that Gideon might fall from on high for revenge. True to his word, fall Gideon did, though Getrdun would be the one to fall in the more traditional sense. Gideon had barely unsheathed his weapons before Sal Streetsweeper threw down his mop in disgust.

Caesar Invictus was somewhat abashed after the fight, offering the following post-script to the fight. “Usually I won't drop a massive BC on someone like I did this week against Black Foxx's Getrdun, but even I have my moments of weakness. The fight was no contest…Getrdun was completely over-matched, taking 2 devastating injuries in one minute, the second of which ended his life. However, some credit should be given to Black Foxx for actually having the wontons to show up for the fight, unlike some who manage warriors in this game. I realize he has no chance of Blood Challenge in return, but as a token of respect I will guarantee Black Foxx 3 matches of his choosing with any of my warriors if he wants revenge.”

Getrdun passes having managed 40 wins and 2 kills in 78 fights.

Also in last issue we chronicled a kill from a rather odd source: GAPPDA’s Cliff Banana and his warrior Slurm. After challenging and killing Egor’s Elvain last week, back-to-back challenge kills were apparently in order for old Slurm, who targeted and killed D-Man’s Reginald Boring this week.

Cliff Banana weighed in with his thoughts in the post-turn GAPPDA Press Conference. “Going into the fight, Slurm and I knew that we had to fight more of a defensive fight to win this one. Reginald Boring was a smaller, but powerful, warrior and we felt that our best chance was to let him tire himself out by swinging that Pole Axe around for a bit before we pressed the offense. I believe our strategy was solid as was proved by the victory, but I am concerned about Slurm's recent bloodlust. I mean, he nearly took Reginald's arm clean off. He's winning, which is always good, but he's just not himself. After Reginald's teammates have had their shots at Slurm, I may just give him a little time off to get his head together. He just hasn't been right since his buddy Joker got killed a couple of months back. Poor kid."

Reginald Boring passes into the afterlife having contributed 40 wins and a kill to D-Man’s record in 75 fights.

The war between Vic Vegas and Dude Doomer, which began in such promising fashion for Vic Vegas but has turned somewhat ugly, tilted towards the No Bozo Squad manager in Turn 367, as recently resurgent Livarot pounded one of Vic’s veterans, Joe Aguirre, into a fine paste. The loss leaves Vic with only 3 warriors in the 50+, but with just one winner among those.

Vic Vegas gave some context on his loss to Gazette reporters. “Joe started poorly at 2-4-0 and I thought he wasn't going to last for long, but he wound up being the second longest living OG from my Brokeback Gladiators team. Joe's winnings peaked at 73% when he was 19-7-3. He started so low, peaked early, and coasted until his death. I'll miss his slicing and dicing and occasional perm love offerings.”

Joe Aguirre ceases bodily functions after providing his manager with 35 wins and 3 kills in 66 fights.

The final worthy veteran to die on the turn was Solincar Nelflan’s pacifistic Half-Orc, Razorfang, offed in short order by Master Misfit’s challenging warrior, Aster Plaster.

Master Misfit was somewhat cryptic in responding to reporters’ questions about the challenge and kill, stating, “"All I can really say is that it was close-range challenge where strategies must have been exactly opposite. Xavier's been telling me that Monkey Style defeats Shogun Tai-bo Style all along. There must be some truth in there somewhere."

Three other veteran warriors of less renown did pass on the turn. The Gazette congratulates their killers for helping cleanse the Arena of losing warriors: Frank and The Phoenix for removing Lady Templar’s Tonya Harding, Panther and Dexsis for removing Stalker’s once fearsome Battle Dwarf and D-Man and Black Nightshade (who has quietly accrued 6 kills now) for removing Validian’s The Nagruk.

The Gazette, as usual, sends its condolences to the fans and managers of the departed veterans. Sword high!


CLIFF BANANA'S BC ROUNDUP
Welcome, once again, to the inane musings of Senor Banana! Round 367 brought many an interesting development. Overall, BC’s were slightly down with only 40 match ups occurring. For the first time in a long time meritorious Blood Challenge defenses outpaced morally-questionable downwards BCs. We also have a small set of managers racking up several tallies, both positive and negative; and Missus Biggus fortunately ceased her recent flirtations with “The Bad” list.

THE GOOD
We begin with a longer list of Good than that which we are accustomed. Leading off is Ragnarok’s JOE MAMA, who took his time in defeating Lord Dragon’s LUZ THE EVIL, waging a 4 minute affair. JOE MAMA had suffered at the hands of LUZ THE EVIL, to the tune of a 60 fight mismatch, for the past two turns, but managed to turn the tables and offer a single stinging rebuke as their engagement comes to a close. While JOE MAMA fought the single most interesting BC defense of the week; it would be remiss to not mention both Dude Doomer and Arch-Angel, who, with both skill and up-and-coming gladiators, each registered two mismatch BC defenses. Well done! Our Good continues…not only did Dude Doomer score two BC defenses, but those were part of a turn which saw Dude Doomer register three BC victories against only a single defeat. Caesar Invictus also made our list, scoring a BC defense in combination with his three total BC victories this round. Boot Strap Billy made quite a splash too. Not only did he fend off his mismatch Blood Challenger, his warrior killed their tormentor. Congrats to all of our BC defenders and multi-BC winners!

Ragnarok’s JOE MAMA (60)
Arch-Angel’s BEETLE (24)
Sanguine Savior’s COACH MCGURK (16)
Arch-Angel’s SLUGZ (16)
Commandant Eitch’s BLACK YATAGAN (13)
Caesar Invictus’ ORION (9)
Acheron’s SIREN’S SONG (7)
Dude Doomer’s JULIENAS 3 (4)
Dude Doomer’s ROQUEFORT 2 (4)
Boot Strap Billy’s SKULL-BASHER (2)
Frank The Tank’s JAH-BUL-ON (3)
Sanguine Savior’s LONGROD VONHUGENDONG (2)

THE BAD
Our list of Bad has morphed over the past ten turns or so, as it reflects on the more disturbing trends so recently uncovered in the Arena. Thankfully, our interlude with the sandbaggers, within the BC framework, has gone quiet for several turns. Our list turns its focus on the managers registering multi-BC losses during a turn. Thankfully, our list is getting smaller as time passes. While Caesar Invictus made our list of the Good, he also makes our list of Bad. While three BC victories are impressive, they were tempered this turn by an equal number of BC losses, only one of which was at a time and place of Caesar’s choosing. “Boy, when you die at the palace, you really DIE at the palace!” Joining Caesar on this list is Vic Vegas, who had considerable trouble matching wits and warriors with Dude Doomer. Twice this turn Vic sent more experienced fighters after Dude Doomer’s stable, and both times they returned with losses. The sweep was complete as Vic Vegas’ BASQUE was soundly defeated by Dude Doomer’s BC’ing BARBAQ 3. While this is likely not the first such occurrence, it is the first time since the careful recording and retelling of Blood Challenges that a manager has been swept by such a margin for a single round. Sorry Vic!

THE UGLY
As was hinted at earlier, and as you can now easily see, our list of Ugly is rather short and, in reflection of past turns, it would seem to not be that ugly. Hah! What a fickle mistress fate has become! While we lack in volume, there being only eight contests qualifying for our list, fully three of those contests ended in the outright murder of a younger, near-defenseless gladiator. Such is life…and death, in the Pitt! Cpt. Switch, apparently angered over his recent appearance on the Bad list took out his frustrations this round, accounting for two of our eight Ugly match ups, and registering a kill in dispatching Gramps’ SOFA KING. A complete list of Ugly is below.

SAH’s NEWYEAR HANGOVER (45, 1762)
Hoffa’s BISHOP (40, 771)
Cpt. Switch’s FUGET (37, 832)
Cpt. Switch’s STORMER313 (33, 1393)
Egor’s MASSIVETOO (27, 561)
Mygdar Le Gnome’s FREGON "LE MAUDIT" 27, 1297)
Angel of Death’s PERSIVAL (25, 692)
Master Misfit’s TAILORED VIOLENT (22, 591)

Well, such idle chatter turns the mind. From the weightier matters of the loss of handful of brave souls, fighting for their team, their honor, and most importantly…our amusement. Swords High! And watch your back.


MANAGER OF THE WEEK
It’s a pleasing thing to observe a young manager coming into his own in Veteran’s Blade. From running mostly Wall of Steel and Total Kill a few months back to managing a 21 win turn, Drakus takes not only the Manager of the Week award for Turn 367, but also jumps to the forefront of our “Young Managers to Watch” queue (especially given there is considerable evidence that, unlike several other “new” managers in our arena, Drakus actually is what he appears to be).

Bringing in strong turns worthy of our Runner Up award were two managers named Frank, one new and tank-like and one newly resurgent in our Arena. With 19 win turns, both are surely due some attention from this periodical. By doing so, however, without the benefit of team-fights, the Gazette bestows the Runner Up Award on the younger, tank-like Frank.

Congratulations to Drakus and Frank the Tank, two newer managers who are making some noise on the sands almost every week now.


RANDOM NOTES
Illustrative of nothing at all really, Elfkiller and M.Noirceur are both winless since garnering their 100th Wins.

Green Machine Update: After his impressive post-UW elimination streak, Green Machine is now 0-2 over the last two turns.


THIS TURN IN QUOTES
"I'd like to pay my respects to Guardian, one of the greatest Dwarves to have ever lived." - Dux Mortalitas, raising a toast this week at his Tavern.

“I find it fitting that Demon takes another of my best warriors. It seems that this is where Demon most excels. Pitt was fighting up over 40 fights against Valandra and had firm control of it until Valandra switched to her desperation strategy and proceeded to strip Pitt of all his weapons. Pitt died fighting against the odds as usual. He did me proud!" – Dux Mortalitas, raising a second toast, this time for his own budding legend, also at his Tavern.

"3 turns ago Vic Vegas sent a nasty series of challenges against me, managing 2 kills. Of course, I try to avenge this ... with some success. I’ve killed 3 gladiators with at least 10 fights experience, one each over the last few turns. I'm happy and proud. Beware, dear Vic. You could challenge me some more, but you know I can answer you. This has gotten old, and I hope it's the same for you." – Dude Doomer, addressing a statement to Vic Vegas through reporters after the turn.

“He was a walking wound. I think he died a few turns ago, but no one wanted to tell him. What can I say? He was a good Dwarf that I never had much expectations for. That's why I made him change his name from Clancy to Whoop DDamn Doo.” – Sanguine Savior on his departed warrior.

“Battle Dwarf was an under-performing “Smart and Strong” Human experiment for me. I was never really able to get any kind consistency out of him, as his sub .500 record would indicate. Ultimately I think he was too small for the plans that I had for him. Give Dexsis credit, he took the fight to Battle Dwarf and basically cut him to ribbons with his XXX sword, well done.” – Stalker, reflecting on his warrior’s final fight against Panther’s Dexsis.

“Popper continues to amaze me with his ability to defeat and kill some of the most intimidating warriors that the arena has to offer. With his back-to-back kills of Thingmaker and Guardian, Halflings everywhere are taking notice of Popper's accomplishments and celebrating his (and their) contributions to Pitt history. Halflings are no more just a race to be written off as worthless Orc food.” – Stalker, holding forth to a Gazette reporter after the turn.

“All you need to know about The Nagruk you can learn by looking at his record.” – D-Man, commenting on Black Nightshade’s kill this turn.


WHISPERS AROUND THE VETERAN'S BLADE
Rumor has it that no light has been seen within Terminator’s training complex for two turns and that many of his trainees have spread out across the city looking for new patrons. This does not bode well for the hopes his fans have that he and his warriors will return to the Blade. Intriguingly, mysterious manager Silencer’s warriors have not been seen since the same turn that most of Terminator’s warriors ceased to compete in our Arena. Is there a connection?


That's if for this week's edition of The Gazette! If you'd like to submit items for a future edition or provide feedback and clarifications, please pm them to my account on pitt.bloodspit.net.

-The Staff at The Pitt Gazette