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Volume 1, Issue 31 - Turn 379

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Volume 1, Issue 31 - Turn 379

Post  lord_dragon on Fri Jun 03, 2011 10:27 pm

Welcome to the Turn 379 edition of the Blood Pit Gazette, hosted by yours truly, The Gazetteer. These are truly banner days in our fair arena, as at the end of the coming turn we will have welcomed a grand total of eleven warriors into the ranks of the 100+ in just two turns (all covered in our 100 Fight Birthday sections below).

We also bring you, as usual, all the coverage of “the turn that was” that you would expect from a publication as thorough and respected (at least after some hasty edits and reprintings) as the Gazette.

So, on with the show.

The stage is set. The teams are aligned. Eight sets of participants get ready to rumble. In two weeks time, our Arena will shake with the arrival of the First Fall Alliance Olympics, funded and sponsored by noted independent manager and business-entity Acheron.

In something of a surprise move, three alliances have submitted two teams each into the games (GAPPDA, the Council and the Legion), while the erstwhile No Bozo Squad and the newly-formed, unnamed Brut Squad will each go it alone.

Over a 7 week schedule, each team will meet the others once, leading into two rounds of single elimination playoffs. Like the fans, The Gazette staff simply cannot wait.

So, who’s going to win? Well, by fielding a team with Poeg, Dux Mortalitas and Caesar Invictus, we have a hard time putting our money down on anyone other that the Legion, especially considering Palor, Lord Kelvin and Lord Dragon, no slouches by any means, inhabit the other Legion team. One cannot shake a stick at either Council team, stocked with heavy hitters from the former STUD and DIE alliances.

Here’s how we see it going down. This is our chance to be dead wrong in public and we say “Carpe Diem” to that!

Regular Season Predictions
First place: Legion A (Poeg, Dux and Caesar)
Second place: Legion 1 (Palor, LK and LD)
Third Place: DIE (Ilneval, Sanguine and D-Man)
Fourth Place: PDA (Xavier, Marius and Fusion)

Playoff Predictions:
Legion A defeats PDA
DIE defeats Legion 1

Championship Week Predictions:
Legion A defeats DIE for 1st place
PDA defeats Legion 1 for 3rd place

Good luck to all the participants. We look forward to an amazing Olympic race.

We’ve been doing a lot of house cleaning of late. As it turns out, it is like Christmas in August here at Codfather Industries™. Digging into his bag of goodies, what does dear ‘ole Santa Codfather have in there for you now? Look at this, it’s a big stick!

Codfather is proud to now introduce the latest in dueling dilemmas…. dilemmas for your opponent that is. We now introduce you to Codfather’s Big Stick Quarterstaffs. With more heft, girth and length, we’re sure you are going to enjoy this fine addition to your arsenal. It takes two hands to hold on to this shaft of wood, that I can assure you.

As with all of our products, Codfather only uses the finest quality supplies. From the far northern regions, Codfather imports only the stiffest and straightest of seasoned yews and ash for our staves. There are three varieties to choose from, so we’re sure we’ve got your needs covered.

Perfectly shaped and balanced and easy to use, the Big Stick™ has all of the features you would expect of a Quarterstaff, though Codfather adds additional caring and love into the development of ours. The extra quality assurance means a better product. It’s that simple.

A studded variety is available at extra cost. For more information, ask for details on the Ugly Stick™ when inquiring. We’ve found that female Half-Orcs, after being beaten by our Ugly Stick, actually get prettier. Though, guys, we don’t advise this if you are really trying to improve your spouse’s looks.

For the wee-folk who demand the best, we also have the Little Big Stick™. It too comes with all the quality one comes to expect from Codfather Industries.

These fine utensils are perfect for those warriors who want to utilize the Martial Arts without having to subject their bare appendages to forceful attacks on well-plated Orcish folk. Over six-feet in length, the Big Sticks are ideal for striking and counterstriking. Remember, if you don’t want to be the one that gets swept off your feet, get your hands on a Codfather Big Stick™.

Like the days of our lives, the sands fall through the hourglass again telling you that it is I, Raul Anjinarikar Siv, here for another Alliance Update in this Arena you are so willing to call home. In the early dawn of the Olympics pre-season we have many things to discuss. Big events, small events, and new members of what you and I know to be the elite of the arena.

It is pre-season for the first ever Alliance Olympics, and like true competitors, they have decided to avoiding each other and not challenging anyone. I am not sure what I can say to this, perhaps there is great fear or apathy, or is there a summer tax season in the city that requires the concentration of the allied managers? Or perhaps for those who have not issued a challenge for so long, there is no need for practice with the challenge forms as not to make a mistake with the pen. Or perhaps, it is all to write or slash an X next to a warrior name?

In any case, we must make our own entertainment, friends, so let us see what our so called competitive teams are composed of. Do not fear, for unlike mystery meat, Raul knows the ingredients of these sausages, and it is more than meat slurry I assure you. I could write ream upon ream of vellum about the teams being fielded, but as I do not have the time nor the coin to purchase that much ink, we shall focus this week on a few of the more interesting teams that have entered the competition.

As one can see the nose upon my face, it is clear that the most interesting team is that of LoD 1. Why is this? Well for one, it is not composed of The Demon, Black Foxx, Solincar Neflan, or for that matter a majority of until now primary members of the Lords of Darkness. Instead it fields Poeg the Obtuse, Dux Mortalitas the Verbose, and Caesar Invictus the Quick. You probably said to yourself as I am saying to myself, Dux and Caesar? An alliance? Did LoD field three teams? Well the answer is sort of, yes, and no. Apparently frequent showering becomes Dux and he has decided to join the ranks of the Lords of Darkness officially and turn the Padishah’s favorite money-making betting alliance into the sure winner of future tournaments. And Caesar, who has started down the path to hygiene and better living, may not take a liking to the effect of dousing in the purifying waters and return to putridity in the filth laden aisles of the unaligned. In any case, this new old alliance team is Raul’s Clear Favorite to take the competition, and a sure bet for the finals.

But as the venerable join the ranks of the alliance, newer, younger faces have become the boys upon the posters of the power of Alliances in the city. I am speaking of course of the Brut Squad [Editor's Note: As far as the Gazette knows this is a temporary name assigned by Acheron, but we just let Raul roll when and where he wants to roll in his column]. Now, though my advice is wise and often well received, it appears that they did not take my humble advice in their naming convention, and instead have opted to pay homage to their young leader, Bruticus. Unless BRUT stands for something, but I am at a loss to see anything it could possibly stand for. Well anything that makes sense. This Virgin alliance has a range of members from the young to the almost old, and two in between. The youngest, inspired member who has pushed all over the city in an aggressive recruiting maneuver that has not been seen since GAPPDA started admitting pretty much everyone into their alliance, is Bruticus. What can we say about this young intrepid other than if he wanted to prove himself in a trial by fire, the coals are white and the meat well-marinated. The elder member of this group would be Danny D Bloody, once an easy target, some say he has recently learned the dark arts from Lord Palor himself and has become only mostly harmless. Filling in the ranks is the inquisitive Mr. Binx and horticulturalist Drachir, both with an array of warriors named after things that normally are the concern of women. Will this be an alliance to remember, or a flash on the grill? We shall know in a few weeks.

But surely something interesting has been happening between the alliances since then, you say. Well my esteemed inquisitor, the Council of Confusion has decided to play kick the can with GAPPDA, declaring after four turns of deliberation a war against the lesser alliance. At first it appeared that it would be the shortest war since the NBS/GAPPDA conflict before the Undefeated Warrior contest, with only one turn to wage strife before the Olympics start. But after a quick conference, well ok, it took them three hours with two anonymous votes, the smoke from the chimney was indeed black, which meant a post-Olympics war was intended. I’m not sure who is coordinating the challenges for the Council in this matter, but I suggest someone with excellent math skills, a keen memory, and a tolerance for strong drink. Though GAPPDA has not officially responded, I for one hope that the war lasts long enough for another one to start.

A full docket, my friends, has been handed to you once again on a platter. But much like your attention span, my time is up and I must take my leave. Salaam and Good Hunting.

Five warriors went into this week with a shot at entering the 100+, including two warriors managed by the mysterious, silent Folkari, another managed by hard-luck Commandant Eitch, one managed by up-and-comer Xavier and finally the last managed by old hand Chen Man Ching. It turned out to be a rough week for any warrior among the 100 Fight contestants that didn’t end up fighting a warrior managed by Marius, however, as Folkari’s Doom Girl, Eitch’s Scratching Cow and Xavier’s Betty the Blond each lost their 100th fight, the first two on challenges (by Validian and Poppa Balrog…how rude!). Elsewhere, George and Autotroph made life rough for Marius by defeating Deconstructor and Atrios in rough random singles fights.

It should be noted that only three of the warriors that passed the 100 Fight mark this week did so with winning records (Betty at 67 wins with the loss, Autotroph and George at 66 and 51 respectively with their wins), as Doom Girl and Scratching Cow would both have to mount serious come backs in the 100+ to ever see the light of a .500 record (Doom Girl, at 37 wins, more so than Scratching Cow, at 46).

Still, we at the Gazette recognize that longevity (winning aside) is a rare and beautiful thing in our arena, so we congratulate all five comers this week, especially Folkari and Eitch, who are newer to the 100+ than the others. We hope for good days ahead for all five warriors indeed.

If you thought Turn 379 was a crazy one for 100+ warriors, well, boy do we have a doozy coming in 380. Not five warriors, but six will face their 100th fights on the sands of the Veteran’s Blade complex this week, and only one of these six will do so with a guaranteed underwater record at 100 fights (a somewhat surprising entry in this category by Sleazee P. Martinee, as well).

But its not all bad news for Sleazee, as he is the sole manager to be bringing two warriors across the line next turn, Undefeated Warrior legend (though not winner) Rawg Brainsplatter, with 73 wins already, and the afore-referenced Harboth Gutgore (47 wins to date) will both cross into Superveteran status together next turn. Joining these two will be fellow Council warrior Fracker, at 60 wins to date and managed by Hosehead, two rival Legion warriors, Export with 61 wins (managed by Poeg) and Ocultto with 65 wins (managed by The Demon) and noted independent Godzilla, managed by Stalker and bringing 55 wins to the table.

The Gazette staff must wonder if we will ever see two turns back to back like this again. Truly the landscape of the 100+ is renewed by this bounty of warriors and we look forward to covering their exploits for a long time to come.

Like the previous turn, Turn 379 was somewhat light on qualifying deaths, and certainly three of the dead from this turn will remain lightly lamented by the fans, dying with significantly bad records. As usual, we will discuss the chaff dead last and move first to those who will be missed the most by fans and managers alike.

Even with 11 new warriors joining the ranks of the superveterans over Turns 379 and 380 (as noted above), The Gazette recognizes with great sadness (amidst the wailing of the fans) the loss of a current 100+ warrior like Lord Kelvin’s Cornwallis, struck down in a random fight with Chen Man Ching’s Red Bellied Woodpeck (a surprisingly deadly Elf, all told).

Cornwallis departs for better climes having defeated 74 opponents in 132 fights (with three kills).

Our other big non-challenge kill of the turn came in a match between Xavier’s Ronald Dumbsfeld and Izzboticus’ hard luck Dwarf Brand Name.

Brand Name fades into obscurity having put together 46 wins and 4 kills in 91 fights.

Moving now to challenge matches that ended in veteran death, we come first to Bigger’s murder of The Spoiler’s Flood at Bandit’s instigation. It was a close fight and one that The Spoiler’s warrior almost managed to turn around, but in the end a blow to the head spelled the end of Flood.

Flood washes out to sea having pieced together a solid 43-38-1 record in 82 fights.

Ilneval’s Quellus Rex was hoping for a similar result, we’re sure, in challenging Staple Gun's Taconite, but instead ended up in the unadorned pine box himself.

Quellus Rex lies king no more after 57 fights, of which he won 32 and ended 2 with a kill.

All three of the kills that could best fall under the heading “cleansing the arena” occurred in singles matches, with Aconite’s equally execrable Flerg and Holo Hopo failing to Master Misfit’s excellent Half-Orc Aster Plaster and Black Foxx’s Halfgiant respectively and Sah’s NewYear Hangover dying at the hands of Sleazee P. Martinee’s House of Suffering.

As is always the case, we thank Master Misfit, Sleazee and Black Foxx for helping keep our Arena free of the truly hopeless.

Still, our condolences go out to the fans and managers of all the departed. Here’s hoping that those who lost great warriors can replace them with equally excellent recruits and that those who lost more pedestrian fighters learned from their errors.

Good day, readers! A thin turn on the Blood Challenge front again, but still with some impressive action to show for some of the fights. The polarization of the arena continues as we had 66% of our fights fall in to either the Good or Ugly category, with the Ugly making up nearly one third of all the matches. With only one more turn until we hit the Olympics version of the roundup, it will be interesting to see the trends which emerge during that contest. Additionally, we have an upcoming Council v. GAPPDA war to look forward too, so I can only imagine the matches we will see in the coming turns. Off to the report…

Our brave BC defenders, finally, outnumbered the Ugly victories that normally dominate any given turn. This round we saw two rather significant upsets. The first found Drachir's JEFF giving up 43 fights in dropping Stalker's MAKO. The second, Dux Mortalitas' rising star APOCALPYSE put a lofty 28-8-3 record on the line, in fielding a challenge from Drakus' 43-26-1 BYRON. Despite the 33 fight difference, APOCALYPSE put down BYRON in a quick 2 minute fight. Additional congratulations to all BC defenders as more than half of the successful defenses were in turning back double-digit challenges.

Drachir's JEFF (43)
Dux Mortalitas APOCALYPSE (33)
Panther's FIXUR (14)
Cam's HECTOR (13)
Dude Doomer's ROQUEFORT 2 (12)
Arch-Angel's YAMAHA (10)
Ironman's MCMUFFIN 2.5 (8)
Ffunker's POPPA BALTRINGUE 2 (7)
The Badman's THE THUG (5)
Grutz' RUFUS (2)
Arch-Angel's SKINZ (2)

We must pay particular attention to Hosehead this round. The Hoser has been one who is quite familiar at issuing the Ugly Downwards Blood Challenge, but this round we saw a refreshing trend. Hosehead sent butt HAT in a challenge up 48 fights to take on Poeg's ASIAGO. In a stunning display of warrior skill and manager prowess, butt HAT evenly applied the beat down on ASIAGO. Great job, Hosehead! Your victory is a shining example to the rest of the arena!

Ah, the cart wreck that is the Bad returns in more traditional form this round. We pay little heed to the struggles of Lord Dragon and Poppa Balrog, each of whom registered 3 BC losses this round. Perhaps with some level of understanding, Lord Dragon can make the argument of being challenged (some of them unfair) in the losses received, while Poppa Balrog doesn't really have that luxury. Poppa B did drop 3 BC's this turn, but 2 of them were by his own challenge and one of them was a repeat BC challenge loss from last turn. The Bad beatdown continues for Poppa B, as he has struggled overall over the last three turns, registering a 1-5 mark in BC's. While The Warlord didn't hit the magic number of 3 losses, the struggles from the past turn cannot be overlooked. Two upchallenges using two warriors well below .500 yielded two deaths. It is always difficult to lose a warrior, more so on one's own challenge, but even more embarrassing is to lose a warrior on an initiated BC. Finally, we add Davron into the mix. Much like The Warlord, Davron did not hit the magic number 3, but registered two losses both on his own challenges, with one gladiator losing to a warrior with 7-13 record. Eeew.

What our list of the Ugly lacks in volume it makes up for in villainy. While there were no deaths attributed to these Ugly challenges, we did have a number of rather significant downchallenges, including a triple digit downchallenge, 144 fights, by Danny D Bloody's TNT. Stalker must be pointed out for issuing 2 Ugly BC's this turn, while D-Man is the only repeat offender (of unfair BCs) this turn.

Danny D Bloody's TNT (144)
Frank's WISE THUG (70)
D-Man's M. NOIRCEUR (63)
Davron's DINGO (60)
The Overlord's DIXIE CUP (49)
Stalker's BRUISER (46)
Stalker's GODZILLA (39)
Ted Supreme's UNE POIRE (39)

That's it for this week! Sword high, pitizens.

It was a battle between Legion managers for our weekly honor this turn, as both Palor and Poeg pieced together 19 win turns, neither managing to toss in a kill for extra credit. This would have made it more or less a toss-up for the overall award, except dear old Palor went all random for the turn, whereas Poeg mixed in a series of both upwards and downwards challenges, including a somewhat inexplicable one on a newer manager named Grutz.

For taking it all random and pulling out 19 wins, we therefore award Palor with our somewhat-coveted Manager of the Week award.

Congrats to both managers on overall excellent turns.

Bigger's challenge kill of Flood netted Bandit and his warrior 4 points of Honor, including 3 from Flood's own dishonor.

"The only reason Bigger doesn't do better is cause of his build, but he is fun. I know he will die soon but he will go out in a blaze of glory! Let's see if [The Spoiler] sends Hurricane or Epidemic after me. Those are the only 2 that are even close to my fight range. I welcome the challenges if he sends them. I back down from no fight or challenge." - Bandit, discussing Bigger's challenge kill on Flood with gathered reporters after the turn.

"I think Ronald Dumbsfeld said it best early on in his career. 'Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.' So chin up Izzboticus, that's one known unknown you won't have to worry about anymore. - Xavier, providing bulletin board material after Ronald Dumbsfeld's singles kill of Brand Name this turn.

"Simply put, Quellus was given an old-fashioned beat down. He was unable to counter anything that Taconite threw at him. I am very disappointed in his performance, and quite frankly, based on that performance alone he deserved to die the horrible death he got. Good riddance to you Quellus, you never lived up to your potential, anyway. Time to whip up a new Half-Orc creation. Perhaps something in the mold of an Outcast, or Black Orc would do." - Ilneval, reacting to Quellus Rex's death at the hands of Staple Gun's Taconite after the turn.

"I was pleasantly surprised to see Apocalypse at 28-8-3 stave off an elbow drop BC from Drakus' warrior Byron at 43-26-1. Considering Apocalypse killed Pushkin 24-8-0 in a random match the prior turn and the fact that I can't recall ever having a beef with Drakus, I was a bit surprised to see Byron at all." - Dux Mortalitas, discussing the turn among associates at his namesake Tavern.

Like Raul, our intrepid reporters hear that while Caesar Invictus is a temporary addition to the Legion of Darkness for the Alliance Olympics only, Dux Mortalitas might be a more permanent addition. In fact, we've been hearing that certain members of the Legion have been pursuing Dux since more or less his appearance in the city, after usurping the stable from Duke.

That's if for this week's edition of The Gazette! If you'd like to submit items for a future edition or provide feedback and clarifications, please pm them to my account on

-The Staff at The Pitt Gazette

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