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Volume 1, Issue 33 - Turn 381

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Volume 1, Issue 33 - Turn 381

Post  lord_dragon on Fri Jun 03, 2011 10:55 pm

Welcome to our 33rd issue of the Pit Gazette, gladly bringing you all the news that is fit to print for Turn 381. In this issue you will find some small amount of Alliance Olympics coverage, including that around the hot topic post-turn, ScoringGate. As always you will find our chronicles of the noted dead, the less than lucid ramblings of one Raul and everything else you would expect from an issue of our periodical.

As they say, the show must go on and on it goes.

The first turn of the Alliance Olympics is now complete and The Gazette can claim to have nailed three of its four predictions, with only Frostbite's easy victory over GAP being called incorrectly by our panel of experts. That's not to say that there wasn't controversy, however, when the overall results were tallied.

"To say I'm not satisfied with the scoring system would be an understatement." Said Acheron after the dust had somewhat settled from the turn. "First, as the Council says, kills are undervalued, though I'm not sure yet by how much. There is something to be said for attrition weakening alliances across the span of the Olympics and so I don't want to go overboard with rewarding the initial kill when the real pain will also be felt down the line. Second, right now I employ two of the finest accounting firms in the city to crunch on fight results to get the points totals for the turn, and that has to be solved for AL2, while still maintaining the spirit of the competition. Which is to say, while still rewarding neutral and upchallenges while also penalizing, somewhat, downchallenges. But teams need to be able to figure out if they won or lost without my official results. I believe strongly in that."

The controversy itself rolled along throughout the weekend after point totals were posted around the Arena Saturday evening. The Council reacted strongly through their Speaker, D-man, to what, on paper, looked like a textbook drubbing of team PDA (Xavier, Marius and Fusion) by team STUD (Sleazee P Martinee, Hosehead and Potness Monster) in round one, to the tune of a 24 to 18 win margin and 4 kills. However, since most of the Council wins came on big downchallenges (as did many of their losses, throwing bonus points to PDA), PDA pulled a surprise victory on overall points by mixing in a few more 2 and 3 point neutral challenge and upchallenge wins, outscoring STUD 37 to 30.

"Potness Monster had a HUGE round in Turn 1, there's no disputing that," said Acheron after the turn. "Still, the Council admits they didn't look at the scoring system enough before the round, so I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for them on this result. Does this mean there aren't things to fix in scoring? Of course, there are, and I just pointed out two pieces of feedback I plan to solve based solely on Council feedback. But I also think the system in place did the job I wanted it to do. It penalized both winning and losing by downchallenge and it greatly benefited managers willing to take calculated risks on upchallenges. Dux Mortalitas, for example, scored some extremely impressive 3 point victories, including one that brought a bonus kill point. No one had a bigger turn than Dux."

So, looking back quickly over our predictions before the Olympics began, Frostbite comes out of round 1 looking like a clear favorite, followed most closely by PDA. Black comes out of round one looking vulnerable due to the lack of activity on the part of Lord Kelvin (there are rumors he take a leave of absence from the city on personal reasons and be replaced on Black's roster by The Demon, but as of press time these whispers are unconfirmed). DIE and STUD both still look like they will challenge Black and PDA for the lower three playoff slots, depending particularly on how STUD responds to their set back going into the coming turns. NBS, with a surprisingly close-fought loss to DIE comes out looking like a dark horse candidate for the final playoff spot while Brut Squad and GAP both turned in disappointing performances and will need to really bump it up a notch going forward to avoid sitting in the cellar together from week to week.

And so, our predictions for Turn 2?

Given this will be the intra-alliance turn, and most of the alliances have avowed to randomly manager challenge their alliance mates, the waters are muddied indeed as to the likely outcomes. However, on the relative strength of rosters alone, we're calling PDA over GAP, STUD over DIE and Frostbite over Black in Turn 2. For our lone true match of the turn, NBS v. Brut Squad, this also becomes a tough match to call. With Bruticus active, but not challenging, in Turn 1, Brut Squad took something of a drubbing from LOD Black. We hear that Mr. Binx will replace Bruticus this turn, while Ffunker will replace Le Gnome on NBS' active roster. With little history to guide our hands and only a hunch, The Gazette is calling a narrow NBS victory over the Brut Squad in Turn 2 of the AL.

The Gazette predicts the following standings after Round 2:

Frostbite 2-0-0
PDA 2-0-0
Stud 1-1-0
DIE 1-1-0
Black 1-1-0
NBS 1-1-0
GAP 0-2-0
Brut Squad 0-2-0

No matter which way things come out in Turn 2 of the Olympics, the Gazette can't wait! Controversy, after all, moves product.

Raul Anjinarikar Siv is once again at his best, friends, as the Alliance Olympics have started in earnest with no fewer than 120 challenges lashing across the faces of spectators today. Much to my glee, many dead GAPPDA soldiers joined the ranks of the afterlife this day, most of them surely now in infidel’s hell. By now you know me, my friends. I am like the eager groom on his wedding night, anxious for dessert first and the main course later. But today, I play the bride. Let us talk about the small fish in the pond and not the gorilla on the lily pad.

Brut Squad was unceremoniously routed like the flood waters of the northern plains by LoD Black. With only 19 matches between the two alliances and fewer than 40 total points accrued, is it not surprising LoD came out on top? Not to me. Conspicuously, the ever enthusiastic Bruticus seemed not to present any challenges, though with so many young warriors he cannot be blamed for his abject fear of the Lords of Darkness. Next turn my ears tell me that The Demon will be stepping in for Lord Kelvin to match against their own best friends, LoD Frostbite.

The DIE team would be very pleased with a close win over the No Bozo Squad. It would seem Mygdar Le Gnome’s poor showing cost them a potential upset victory. Is this the reason he has been put on watering duty near the bench this upcoming turn? There is silence from the French Quarter.

The most pleasing of matches by far this turn for me and my Padishah, but perhaps not the odds-makers, was Frostbite’s obliterating victory over Team GAP. A blowout in wins and points, with nearly 40 fights, we see a clear line between ‘awesome’ and ‘mediocre’ being drawn. It is worth noting that now bathed and smelling of fresh dessert roses, Dux Mortalitas scored a mind-numbing 16 points (more than any other participant) with 4 matches scoring 3 or more points against a slack-jawed GAP team. The GAP is clearly in their warriors’ teeth after that beating no?

Lastly, an ironic tinge of sewage to the waters of victory anointment splatters the heads of PDA as they thieve victory from the jaws of defeat. A sound drubbing on wins and kills was given to PDA by STUD who ripped a full 6 wins more than their wily opponent and added four kills to boot. But alas PDA team members were the top of the pyramid today, scoring more points together than any other competing team this turn, beating Frostbite by one point in this regard. And this is not to say that STUD scored low, no, both Potness and Hosehead scored above 10 pts each for a team total of 30. But in true tragedic form, a full 18 points of PDA’s total were given up by downchallenge losses from STUD. In this way PDA brings home the festering bacon in the smelliest way, much to the disappointment of the detractors of GAPPDA and myself.

This humble reporter must say that he remains impressed. No man would be shamed by the performance, inside or outside of bed, of any of these alliances. Next turn we witness the teams of the alliances turning against their own. I can only hope it will be bloody. Salaam and Good Hunting.

The current Race to 100 Wins loses its most compelling participant this week, as Sanguine Savior's oldest warrior, Mystical Charade, died at the hands of alliance-mate M. Noirceur in a singles fight lasting barely 2 minutes long, capping a strong 5 week run for D-man's 100 Win Club member (who not so long ago was likely to face a monster and, likely, die trying).

This leaves us with a two man race to 100 Wins, one that until this week's action seemed to be a virtual lock for Nads' Teamfight-bound Pre Monster, who entered Turn 382 already sitting at 98 wins. Sleazee P. Martinee's Conan the Barbarian, at 97 wins, seemed to have little chance to catch up given the two warriors' relative competitive landscapes. All that changed with Conan's victory over Poeg's challenger, Asiago and The RC's Enforcers loss to Damion's The Cat's Meow team. Both warriors thus ended the turn locked in a tie at 98 wins..

Still, the smart money is still on Pre Monster to get to 100 Wins first. But we can't wait for Conan to prove us wrong.

It's been some time since fans and managers were forced to mourn the loss of a warrior on his 100th Fight day, but thanks to one particularly nasty strike by Folkari's Manushka (and a somewhat questionable downchallenge from which a karma rebate clearly came due), Vic Vegas was paying homage to the loss of his first 100 Fight warrior on the same turn he should have been celebrating the emergence of said 100+ warrior . Things were not much happier in Dude Doomer's stable, as Barbaq 3 celebrated his 100th Fight Day in Alliance Olympics action which ended with Ilneval's Reclusion taking a 2 minute fight from the NBS warrior.

And so, our condolences go out to Vic Vegas, whose next best shot at a 100 Fight warrior is at least 20 weeks away. Congratulations though to the NBS and Dude Doomer both on their first ever warrior making it into the 100+.

Only one warrior will be going into his 100th Fight day next turn: Hosehead's Elf Slartibartfast, bringing to bear an excellent 61 win, 3 kill record accrued in his first 99 fights. Slartibartfast put a hurt on Marius' Deconstructor in the first turn of the Alliance Olympics and this turn will likely be facing a member of his own alliance from the opposing DIE faction. The Gazette looks very much forward to seeing the outcome of that match.

Though it was certainly a deadly turn overall, and particularly harmful for GAPPDA's two splinter teams in the Alliance Olympics, most of the veteran demises for Turn 381 occurred outside the competition, with only Hoffa's Bishop qualifying for our hallowed list while being slain within the confines of those games. In something of an up tick from recent turns, however, challenges in general were somewhat deadly this turn, accounting for 1/4 of all the veteran deaths on the turn.

As almost always happens, a single member of the Arena's 100+ perished in action this turn, the aforementioned Mystical Charade, killed at the hands of streaking M. Noirceur.

Sanguine Savior stormed from the arena, shot a look at the assembled reporters and growled "Told ya so." before moving on to the next fight on his docket.

In the end, Mystical Charade chooses an odd way to escape Sanguine Savior's penchant for monstering his "disappointments", dying after accruing 96 wins and 3 kills over an impressively long 173 fight career.

It’s not often that Elf on Elf violence ends in one pointy-eared warrior leaving the arena in a body bag, but in a singles match between Xavier's Santas and Lady Templar's Paris Hilton, that's just what happened. It might come as a shock looking at their comparative records, but the slightly older, less prodigious Santas was the one to walk out under his own power, while Lady Templar mourned the loss of her oldest and strongest competitor.

Paris Hilton struts into the afterlife having pouted her way through 63 wins and 2 kills in 89 fights.

Dragon Warrior. The name carries a lot of weight, and not just to the Legion of Darkness and Solincar Nelflan, for whom Dragon Warrior brought home an Undefeated Warrior title nearly two years ago. That all meant nothing, however, to Angel of Death's Victr, who struck Dragon Warrior down in under a minute of action.

Dragon Warrior, honored dead with a final record of 60-24-2, is mourned by all who watched him fight.

Human killers are not exactly a dime a dozen, and Danny D Bloody is running quite a fearsome one right now in Chuck the Barkeep, who notched his 9th kill this turn in only his 81st fight, by crushing Panther's Dexsis in under one minute of action, dealing two crippling blows in the process of disassembling the Half-Elf.

Dexsis wanders into Half-Elf Heaven having managed a stellar 57-21-3 record over his too-short life.

Vic Vegas has stated he was looking for an easy win in sending 99 Fight Neurofibromatosis after 85-Fight Folkari loser Manushka. It was both sad and fitting therefore that Manushka put Neuro, an 8 kill Half-Orc of some renown despite his own losing record, down for good.

Neurofibromatosis enters and just as quickly leaves the 100-Fight Club with 43 wins and 8 kills over his career.

Lady Templar faced two stunning losses in Turn 381. For the first, we have related the sad tale of the loss of Paris Hilton to Xavier's Santas. For the second we come to one of the four challenge kills of the turn, Bandit's assault on Half-Orc Pam Anderson with his standout Elf Razor.

Pam Anderson jiggles her last having compiled a healthy 50 wins and 1 kill in 86 turns on the sands.

The Overlord and Ffunker faced each other 14 times during the first turn of the Alliance Olympics, with Overlord having offered himself up as a distraction from Ffunker's many vendettas so that the contest might go on with little interruption. Overlord, for all his graciousness in doing so, paid the price in losing Orange Ranger on his own challenge against Ffunker's Michael. As with several other kills this turn, the Ranger's demise was brought about by a heavy blow to an area of his body that could take no more punishment.

Orange Ranger pose-fights his way into Valhalla having put together 50 wins and 3 kills in an 81 turn career.

While JB Bladeswinger made a nuisance of himself by interrupting several potential NBS and DIE challenges during the first turn of the Alliance Olympics, one warrior that he probably wishes had gone into combat against Ted Supreme was dying at the hands of Davron's Gnat in a singles fight: his oldest living warrior, Half-Orc Aragrom.

Aragrom passes at the end of a solid, if not spectacular, 81 fight career in which he won 45 fights and killed 2 opponents.

Speaking of big hits to vulnerable places, fearsome hatchet tosser Wise Thug, managed by Frank, has been building quite a reputation for dealing out some pretty incredible damage with his throws. Further evidence of his prodigious ways had to be swept up by Sal this turn, as the second hatchet hit was enough to sunder Solincar Nelflan's not-so-great Dwarf Thulzuk.

Thulzuk's remains go into a hefty bag alongside his 40 wins and 3 kills in 86 fights.

We come now to the sole Alliance Olympics death that qualified for this column on the turn: Dux Mortalitas' annihilation of Hoffa's Bishop with one of his quadruplet Pitt Lords on a very solid upchallenge.

Bishop takes Death after 41 wins in 78 turns.

Tolome has a thing for running sub-optimal warriors (not counting his Glorial clones Maximal Pain and Breaker Jr) and every once in awhile one of these jokers gets a pretty serious kill out of an unfortunate singles encounter. This turn's unlucky victim, at the hands of 92-Fight Squatche, was Lord Dragon's stellar 64-Fight warrior Bringer of Death. We wouldn't be shocked at all if Lord Dragon sends a series of love letters to the Competition Committee for such a ridiculously lopsided match up. But what can you do?

Bringer of Death becomes a Receiver of Death after a too-short career that saw him bring in 46 wins and a kill against only 18 losses.

Our final kill of the turn was one of those mercy killings we tend to throw in a the end of this column each week, the slaying of Ironman's 50-Fight The Third Leage by The Demon's Sugarbear (who doesn't seem very sweet to us, with four kills in only 39 fights).

The Third Leage gets sweet release after managing 23 wins and a kill in his abruptly ended career.

And that about wraps things up for this week. The Gazette is very much looking forward to some carnage coming out of the Intra-Alliance week of the Olympics, so tune in to Issue 34 for full coverage of the fun to come.

Greetings Bladeheads! The Olympics are now in full swing. While it is a tad early to speculate on their impact on Blood Challenges, we can certainly say that we had another thin BC turn out in 381 with only 27 total contests occurring. We did see, however, some differences from past turn and it remains to be seen if these recent changes will persist beyond the Olympics or not. Many congratulations go out to all of the Veteran's Blade Olympics participants and thanks to the non-participants who are not interfering. Off to the report…

Turn 381 saw the poorest results for BC defenders to date. Blood Challenge victims managed only 3 successful defenses within the 22 fights of opportunity this turn, a poor showing indeed. Our short list is not without upsets, however, as Ironman's ORIN HAMMERFELL turned back a significant downchallenge (a 43 fight disparity) conclusively proving that Arch-Angel's TRUSTMEIMCOOL is neither trustworthy nor cool. I for one was very pleased to find that Scotty Body's Sack remained safely un-stomped. Congratulations to all (three) of our BC Defenders!

Ironman's ORIN HAMMERFELL (43)
Scotty Body's SACK (16)
Ffunker's POPPA BALTRINGUE 2 (7)

The tally of the Bad is also rather light on this past turn. Aside from the non-Olympics participants who challenged into the contest (Boot Strap Billy, Missus Bigus, and diverse others) there was not too much in the BC rolls that would qualify. Of note, though, is that Lord Dragon has struggled recently in dropping 5 out his last 8 BC encounters over the past 3 turns. Joining Lord Dragon on our short list is Blackstorm, who has posted a goose egg over the last 3 turns in losing all 5 Blood Challenge battles in which he was involved.

The Ugly stayed pretty much the same as the Good, with the possibility that the Olympics mitigated the usual spate of brutal downchallenges. However; that didn't change much for Ilneval, who made the list three times and totaled 216 fights of downchallenge ugliness on the Turn, including the lone triple digit downwards BC. Ilneval's beat down of KEANU THE REAVER was particularly brutal as the floundering KEANU THE REAVER entered the fight sporting a not-so-impressive 2-5-1 record

Ilneval's ETERNAL DARKNESS (112)
Ilneval's FORESAKEN (75)
The Spoiler's HURRICANE (66)
Frank's DEATHSTROKE (45)
The Overlord's DIXIE CUP (43)
Ilneval's R'SHANN (29)
Pan's XEVIOUS (27)

And so, next week, with seven GAPPDA dead from the Alliance Olympics, we shall have to see how many overall BCs we see from warriors who might be better deployed against their opponents. Until then!

Rather than single out one of the independent managers who put together solid weeks in absence of having to deal with the huge number of warriors wrapped up in the Alliance Olympics (though we will pause to congratulate all of the managers who did put together 19 and 18 wins turns in 381 anyway, like Mez, Tolome, Jim the Half-Ogre, Frank, Stimpy and Hairdresser on Fire), we cannot ignore two specific performers from the Alliance Olympics first turn: Dux Mortalitas and Potness Monster. With his high efficiency point total against GAP (and his two kills), Dux is the clear frontrunner this week but Potness Monster, with his own impressive win total and 3 kills, was only a hair behind.

Congratulations, therefore, to both managers for sharing this week's Manager of the Week award.

The top records on the turn for Alliance Olympics participants were the 17 win, 8 loss tallies posted by Hosehead, Palor and Lord Dragon.

Vic Vegas came back to life this week, swinging ten points of dishonor to top the big board with six downchallenges, including three against sub-500 opponents.

"The Bishop kill had far more to do with The Bloodmaster than it did Pitt Lord. Really the only reason why Bishop died is that the Bloodmaster was flatly determined not to pull Bishop from the fight. I wish Hoffa the best of fortunes with his replacement and should he desire to Blood Challenge, I wouldn't hesitate to point him in the direction of The Bloodmaster, although I suspect The Bloodmaster would win." - Dux Mortalitas, being quotable for the gathered press at his tavern after the turn's fighting.

"We've been working with Chuck, teaching him newer techniques to hit those critical spots. He showed some skill out there this week dealing two horrible crippling injuries before snuffing Dexsis out. Chuck is going to be training hard now to try to get his tenth kill before his 100th fight. The arena staff may want to bring a body bag to all his fights just to be prepared." - Danny D Bloody, proud of the technological terror he'd constructed in Chuck the Bartender after the turn's combat.

We hear several managers have rallied to Acheron's call for retribution on those who interrupted fights in Turn 1 of the Alliance Olympics, including two Ancients (as they are called here in our city). While Overlord, being one of the two, has publicly signed on to Acheron's cause, we're told that the second one will be something of a surprise. Our understanding is that the name is being kept secret to make it more certain that challenges will get through on the victims.

That's if for this week's edition of The Gazette! If you'd like to submit items for a future edition or provide feedback and clarifications, please pm them to my account on

-The Staff at The Pitt Gazette

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